Establishing Rules for Boy-Girl Relationships With Your Youth

Last Friday and Saturday my 15 year old son and 17 year old daughter attended the Royal Simulation sponsored by the Royal Academy of Zion. This picture above was one I took last year, with my son (curly hair poking up around his crown). He is now on a mission, so he obviously didn’t get to go. I didn’t get to go either at the end to pick them up, as this year my daughter “Virtue” drove them there and back, along with three other youth. I was kind of sad not to be there to take pictures of the Royal Ball but it was great to be in bed before 11 that night. (In past years when I pick them up I get home after midnight.) This simulation has become a tradition in our family, as it was my daughter’s fourth year. The simulation got some attention from Galen Crew this year, because they sang his song at the simulation last year. The young men serenaded the young women with his song. It was really sweet. He did a special music video just for the youth at the simulation. If I can find it I will put it up. The simulation teaches the youth to treat each other as future kings, and queens. They are taught etiquette and proper behavior in treating the opposite gender.


So I have been thinking about boy/girl relationships in this day and age. With use of texting and emails parents face the challenge of youth becoming emotionally intimate right under the parents’ noses without them even knowing! I handle this by occasionally inspecting my kids’ email correspondence. (They don’t have cell phones until they turn 18 and leave for college.) I felt one young woman was getting too flirty with my 15 year old son so I nicely told her that I look at his emails one in a while and that I want her to keep the emails friendly but not flirtatious. One of my girlfriends has a son who at 14 was attracting attention of a 16 year old girl in his ballroom dance class. After much flirtation and forwardness from this girl through emails and attention at parties, my friend, the mom, had had enough. She told the young woman to stop emailing him and decided he couldn’t go to any  more parties or the ballroom class. Sounds harsh I know but I don’t blame her. I would have done the same thing.



I have been thinking about the Duggars’ and the Bates’ ways of monitoring the boy/girl relationships in their homes. They don’t do casual dating. The young men have to get permission to court the young women by asking the young women’s father to court. By entering into a courtship relationship the young people understand that they are deciding if they want to get married to each other. I like that this happens through the father. Texting and phone calls are eavesdropped on by parents. Erin Bates just got married and Jessa Duggar and Alyssa Bates are now courting. I think it’s really sweet that just to just to ask permission to court Alyssa Bates, the young man gave her roses and had a special date. I love this formality!



I wrote this little story quoted below the picture a few months ago, and now I am thinking how interesting it would be if the dad of young women questioned any potential suitors about the “Mr. M. and Mr. P.” issues.




Recently I heard the following inspiring story from a young lady. She had been set up on a blind date
with a young man. The young man asked her what she was looking for in a guy. The young lady

asked the young man if he wanted the truth and he said he did.

“OK, here’s the truth. I want to marry a guy who has no addictions to porn or other problems. I will

only hold hands with a boy who has been sober from pornography or masturbation for at least 84 days.”

The young man froze in his tracks! He had to sorrowfully admit that he had pornography and

masturbation addictions. Fortunately he asked for help and the young lady pointed him to the Sons

of Helaman organization. They did not see each other on a date again but the young man started

going to Sons of Helaman and has been able to get help and become sober from these sexual


Don’t we want all 18 year old girls (and other teen girls) to say this…”I won’t hold hands with any boy

who has a pornography (or masturbation) addiction.” A lot fewer young men would be holding hands!

But then young men would change and rise to these expectations! Young women are the banner and

beacon that set the standards for young men. They need support to increase and expand their vision

of what they can have for suitors and husbands.

If you are like me, you want your daughters and sons to marry and live happily ever after. But the

challenges of youth today marrying someone who is free of addiction and emotional problems are far

higher than in times past.


I think it’s a great way to show young men that these young women they are eying are the fathers’ princesses (daughters of father kings) and are not casual eye-candy or playthings, but real princesses who must be courted by young men who are worthy of them. It’s not about shame, it’s about getting help for the young men so they can be spiritually healthy/real men and start a relationship with full spiritual health as guardians of virtue.



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