It’s Midday Monday with Maurice!
What do you do in a marriage when your husband is not being nice?
Come learn in a free conference call today! Ask your questions of a LDS licensed marriage and family therapist!
Free Conference Call“Mid-day on Monday”20 January at noonJust call 1-267-507-0240and enter Conference Code: 541012
Maurice’s article on marriage (see below) has become quite popular among Maurice’s readers and clients. On Monday the 20th, he will be focusing the topic of our “Mid-day on Monday” conference call on this topic and other marital issues.
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Stabilizing a Relationship
(Or at least stabilizing yourself!)
The Wheel Thrown Pottery Principle
The Clothes Washer Pattern
By Maurice Harker, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist
When I was in my early years of college, I took a wheel thrown pottery class. I was really excited to learn that creative form of art. I hope it doesn’t shock any of you but back then I was a bit of an arrogant young man. I just wanted to teacher to get out of the way and let me take over with the wheel. I had a wise and observant teacher who correctly discerned my disposition. He could see my impatience, so he did just that and he got out of the way to let me have at it.
So, I took my cube of clay and slapped in on the wheel just like he did then, “flatten, center, lift”, just like he did…right? Not! There was something wrong with my clay! (It couldn’t be my fault.) My instructor watched me out of the corner of his eye while he worked with other students. He might have had a smirk on his face.
After about 20 minutes of this proud determination, I finally decided to be humble enough to ask for help. I raised my hand. He was a kind and patient man and skillfully taught me what was wrong.
He said, “Maurice, the problem is not your hands or your strength, the problem is your elbow.” My facial response showed that I thought he was crazy. He went on to explain. “You might not notice this, but when I am at the wheel, the first thing I do is make sure my right foot is tight and solid on the ground. Then I make sure my right elbow is tightly settled inside my right knee. Then I use my right hand against the clay similar to the way an old record player works. The shape of the clay then has to move against a solid wall.”
He went on, “What you have been doing wrong is by having both arms and elbows free, it creates flexibility to accommodate the out-of-balance spin in the same way that the springs in a clothes washer accommodate an out-of-balance spin. The springs don’t fix it, they just allow for it.”
As a relationships therapist, I see the same things over and over again with the couples I work with. They react and react and react to each other. This is with both good behaviors and bad behaviors.
If a relationship is going to become centered, before it is lifted to greatness, instead of reacting to each other, at least one, if not both, are going to have to live by something more solid than their partner. At least one of the two is going to have to anchor themselves into something stronger than themselves and stick with it. At least one of them is going to have to choose their thoughts and actions based on Character, not based on reacting to their partner. At least one of the two is going to have to anchor themselves into a set of Eternal Principles and a Divine Source of wisdom and power.
If you would like more control, less drama and more stability, I strongly recommend that one be…
Click HERE to hear Maurice teach this concept.
More recordings available HERE.
For more information on improving relationships read