Let’s talk about courtship! My friend Shauna listened to the above webinar, called “Marrying Well”, given by two generations of the Botkin family. She was so impressed by it, that it inspired her to create a presentation on courtship for the Winter Homeschool Conference in Utah this past month.
I thought it would be super awesome to have an online colloquium about this webinar. (“Colloquium” is just a fancy word for discussion.) You can buy the webinar on CDs for $28 or on mp3 for $20 at the Botkin family website here. If you use the coupon code MARRIAGE17 you can get 50% off! So you can get the mp3 files for only $10! So go get your copy right now and then listen to it while you cook, drive, and fold laundry!
Then listen to it and join me for an online discussion on Wed. Feb. 15 at 7 PM Mountain Time. Comment below if you want the link and I will email it to you so you can join us in an online meeting room. Please only come if you have listened to the audio files/CDs.
The Botkins have a lot of wonderful CDs, books, and DVDs on their website. You can use the code WCAS20 to save 20% off all the products in the store.
Here is the description of the webinar, copied from the Botkins website:
Families across America are realizing that “dating” leads to trouble, not dynamic marriages. Other families have realized that the “courtship” model is an maze of unexplored definitions, and find themselves taking wrong turn after wrong turn. Is courtship the answer? Is it always necessary? How do young people find each other and then discern the Lord’s will for marriage? What does it mean to “marry well”? How do parents shepherd their children through the process? While the Bible doesn’t offer a formula for getting to the altar, it has much to say about the maturity, vision, and love that make a marriage beautiful and powerful, from the very first day.
Scripture is rich with guidance for marrying well. Join Geoffrey Botkin and his wife Victoria, David Botkin and his wife Nadia, and Benjamin Botkin and his wife Audri for a six-part series on courtship and preparation for marriage. Ben, Audri, David, & Nadia share their stories and lessons they’ve learned while seeking to answer the question, “Should I marry this person?”
Some topics:
- Preparation for marriage starts early
- What the Bible says about courtship
- What about betrothal?
- Why strong brother-sister relationships are essential, in families and between families
- Dominion, discipleship, and life mission: Marry for the same reason you live your whole life
- Love like Jesus: Selflessly
- Risk management in relationships
- The deadly danger of worry
- What to think about emotions
- How do I know this is the right one?
- How to determine God’s will
- The place of faith
- Maintaining peace and harmony between families
- When to skip courtship altogether
- Engagement periods
- Wisely reforming American wedding ceremonies
Tree of Life Mothering 
While I do not have in depth knowledge of the Botkins, I am wary of looking to them as experts in spirituality and family relationships; they have heavy ties to the Christian Patriarchy movement and the now defunct Vision Forum, which imploded due to a sexual abuse scandal. There have been numerous problems within this movement, which in my opinion frequently looks beyond the mark in mingling the philosophies of men with scripture in ways that unecessarily restrict life choices–as an example, the adult Botkin daughters have been taught that they must remain at home indefinitely serving their father until such time as a suitable husband may come along; they are not permitted to go away to college or pursue a career outside the home in the meantime. Sexual abuse scandals keep surfacing in the fundamentalist patriarchy movement, suggesting to me that the veneer of better-than-thou morality is serving as a veil for practices that promote unrighteous dominion and can in fact groom potential victims for abuse.
I do not think we need such guides as these as we seek inspiration and direction in raising our children.
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Interesting comment Sarah. I encourage you to take what works for you and leave the rest.
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Sarah J Evans,
With the Vision Forum, yes, it did initially have REALLY good principles. I believe that that’s why the adversary worked so hard on Doug Philips and eventually won, was because they were on the right track (of course they don’t have the restored gospel.) But I believe that the other families still have good principles based off of the Bible.
“the adult Botkin daughters have been taught that they must remain at home indefinitely serving their father until such time as a suitable husband may come along; they are not permitted to go away to college or pursue a career outside the home in the meantime.”
Have you watched their film “Return of the Daughters”? I highly recommend it. The young women are learning real-life skills, from the best teachers-their fathers, which I believe is more valuable than any college. I’m a young girl who agrees with serving your family, and carrying out your father’s vision until he places his authority on the man you marry. It seems to fit much more with scriptural principles that I’ve observed.
treeoflifemama- Thank you for posting this! It’s so great to see LDS people wanting to live higher principles! I haven’t heard this specific audio yet, but I’ve heard the Botkin girls talk about it and am excited! Their book “It’s (Not That) Complicated” is another great resource for teenage girls that I’ve read and shared with my peers.
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I bought the book “It’s Not That Complicated” and hope to delve into it soon and share with my young single adult daughter. It does look really good!
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You may like this short video clip by the Botkin sisters talking about their book: https://www.facebook.com/notcomplicatedbook/videos/1389574961113991
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I love the Botkins! I would also HIGHLY recommend their product Home Education for Real Life. They discuss how to prepare your children for real life – not just “school”, what a quality education includes, and have a section on each area of study–history, art, music, science, writing, etc to give you ideas to formulate how/what you teach your children.
Also, Victoria Botkins “Curriculum Advice” is another favorite that I think you would love!
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I am in! I love this discussion topic! If you have younger kids or teens or young adults, the best time to investigate courtship is NOW! You would want to help your little ones understand these principles of dating and courtship BEFORE they reach the critical years. But if you have older kids and young adults, there is still hope to help them grasp these principles. These ideas could be the most deliciously interesting dinner conversations you will ever have about love and preparation for marriage. Sign me up for the discussion!
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