Tree of Life Mothering

In this excerpt from my novel, Dates With God, we see the fictional character Kate fight hopelessness and discouragement because her husband’s cancer gets worse. She feels jealousy towards people whose lives seem easy. Here’s Dates With God, Chapter 9, Part 3: Kate’s Letter #9.

Letter #9 From Kate

 

Dear God,

 

We got some results back for Dave’s cancer. His markers are slightly worse. I am so discouraged and frustrated about this! Where is the promised healing from Thee? I thought if he started eating healthy he would be healed. I don’t expect him to be healed while eating donuts and chips, like he used to, but now that he’s changed his ways, I expected some encouraging results, if not healing. He’s been having salads and green smoothies and raw food every day. Why wasn’t his diet change helped?

 

Why is it that some people have such easy lives and some don’t? On top of our medical troubles, we are having money troubles because Dave had to cut back his hours a lot. I look at people like my sister Grace. She has a beautiful home, 5 kids, husband makes a ton of money. They aren’t sweating for anything. It doesn’t seem right or fair. I have a lot of questions for Thee when I get on the other side God.

 

OK, I admit, I did feel Thee reminding me of Job as I wrote that last paragraph. I know I should be grateful. I am so relieved that we haven’t been tested with losing our children and our home, just Dave’s good health. I keep thinking of Nephi, how he praised Thee on the ship, while his family crossed the ocean to the promised land, even though his brothers had tied him up. This cancer diagnosis has been tying me up for months. I want to choose to be grateful and full of praise in this bound up state but it’s so hard.

 

One of the moms in my class, Michelle, shared this formula with us last week:

 

If you are feeling like a victim-replace that feeling with gratitude.

If you are feeling like a critic, replace that feeling with praise

If you are feeling self-righteous judgment, replace that with charity (to see others as Christ sees them)

If you are feeling like a rebel, then replace it with service.

 

I’m definitely feeling like a victim right now. In addition, I am feeling hopeless. How can I replace it with hope? I think that for my scripture study for the next week I am going to study hope, then gratitude and then praise. I learned about that from Jill, to study topics instead of going from cover to cover in my reading. Praise and gratitude seem to be closely related. I don’t want to drop my reading of the Gospel Doctrine assignments so I am going to listen to those on my phone while I do morning chores.

 

With love from your daughter who desperately wants to feel comfort and assurance right now,

Kate

Copyright 2015 Celestia Shumway, inspired by Like Dragons Did They Fight by Maurice Harker and Lucas Reynolds

I am almost done posting all of the chapters of my novel, Dates With God! This is a companion book to Maurice Harker’s book, Like Dragons Did They Fight. Here’s the first part of Chapter 9, Emma’s Letter #9. Emma fights satan over anger at her husband and recalls many manifestations of his laziness. She gets creative with how to deal with her husband’s lack of providing for the family and decides to start a relationship with money by writing a letter to it. As part of writing her letter she draws inspiration from the Bible.  She looks forward to seeing a lot more of money. She prepares for temporarily leaving Clark if he continues his irresponsible behavior.

Emma’s Letter #9

 

Dear God,

 

Clark continues in his rut. He was supposed to apply for a job by the end of last week. Friday was the deadline for the application of a job I found for him online. It seemed like the perfect job. It required an MBA and the specific focus that he was looking for. He was definitely qualified for it. It would allow us to move to Pineview. I was lusting over this job for him! He assured me that he would apply for it. The next morning when I asked him if he had applied, he told me no. What?!?! I felt so disappointed and mad and frustrated. It was this huge ball of emotion that just devastated me. I felt just like I felt when I found out that my neighbor, the one who had been so against girls playing with Barbie dolls because she claimed that they teach girls to focus too much on superficial appearances, had breast augmentation surgery 5 years ago. I felt that I had been deceived by empty idealistic promises. I felt so mad that I couldn’t see it coming and fell so easily into believing.

 

So, not only did that frustrating, maddening letdown happen, but the absolute worst thing happened yesterday. My home teacher came over to help Clark fix the lawnmower. I didn’t even ask him, it was Clark’s idea. Clark is somewhat mechanical, but it takes him days to figure how to fix things, whereas our home teacher can usually fix something in an hour or two. So Brother Larsen came over, and after a while, Clark disappeared on him. Then Brother Larsen took a bathroom break. When he came downstairs looking for him, there Clark was, sitting at the computer, playing video games! Brother Larsen was so mad! He yelled at Clark and left. I don’t blame him! I am mad at him too. That’s just one example of my husband’s Peter Pan rudeness. I just want to shake him to wake him up! When is he going to stop being a boy and be a man? This takes the cake!

 

It’s even worse than the time we went to the parenting workshop that was sponsored by My Mothers of Preschoolers group. The leaders of the group had booked a presenter of the workshop for over 2 years in advance with a hefty reservation fee. The presenter was a popular expert on child discipline and promised that her system works wonders. I attended eagerly with Clark in tow. We even got free admission because we were dues-paying members of the group. I had arranged for a babysitter for the whole four hour workshop, which was held at a local church where we hold our weekly meetings. Fifteen minutes into the workshop, Clark left the room. I thought maybe he was going to the restroom but he never came back! At the halfway break I had no idea where he was and didn’t want to go looking because I got caught up in some fun conversations with my friends. When it was over and we are all milling around talking to the presenter and eating the refreshments, Clark ambled into the room. I found out he had been sleeping on one of the pews in the chapel for a lovely, expensive nap! I was so fuming mad! I can’t force him to want to learn parenting skills. How do you inspire your husband to want to learn about being a better dad?

 

He has about as much sensitivity as a hippopotamus on a tightrope. And as much maturity as a prepubescent boy. He still doesn’t care that we are running out of money as he is still not looking for a new job or building his consulting business. I can’t find any books or help on how to deal with unemployed or underperforming husbands. Nobody talks about it. I wish Oprah would do a show about it. I guess most people in modern America figure it’s no big deal because usually the wife already has a job. That’s hard to do when you have five kids, with three little kids under 5. I’m sure there must be more women out there who are in my same boat, like a blog or website or a book, on how to deal with an unemployed husband and/or a husband who is acting irresponsibly by underperforming and under-providing. I’ve Googled and haven’t found anybody though. I guess we are all afraid to publicly admit that our husbands are failing us or that we picked lousy husbands. I have been asking Thee for help and gradually the ideas are coming. The one idea that keeps repeating in my mind is to start my own blog under a pseudonym or a support group name to talk about it. I guess that it is the answer that Thou art giving me for now.

 

I’d like to start a blog to at least be a voice out there to find some company. Imagine, me, the girl who quit speech and debate, and drama class, because of my fear of public speaking, being a voice. This is what happens when I feel power coming from Thee God! It wouldn’t be a condemning voice of men, but a voice to encourage other women to support their husbands in fulfilling their God-given role. The problem is, I haven’t figured out yet how to do it myself. For a while I kept toying with giving him an ultimatum: find a job by this date or else! Except for a long time I couldn’t think of what the “or else” would be! I can’t leave him because I don’t have any money. But I am getting some new ideas.

 

I have finally decided, however, that the rut Clark is in is about to get a lot more uncomfortable. We can’t go on living like this! We have money to pay the mortgage, the utilities, barely enough food, if we eat a lot of rice and beans, and get off food stamps, gasoline, and car insurance. We don’t have medical insurance. That has been making me feel nervous for a while. We have zero budget for debt reduction to pay off his student loan, zero for clothes, zero for home or yard improvement, let alone, maintenance, zero for savings, zero for emergencies, zero for recreation, or zero for education. I don’t want to live like this the rest of my life! It is bondage and I refuse to keep living like this!

I can’t change Clark, but I can do two things:

 

#1. I can insist that we not live as husband and wife when he is not acting like a husband

#2. I can create my own stream of income so that I am prepared for living on my own with the kids if he decides to continue not acting like a husband. I will not be a victim to my husband’s poverty!

 

So, here are my thoughts on those two changes I can make.

 

#1.  Hmmm…I’ve been studying what Maurice wrote on his blog. Maurice is the guy that wrote the book we use for this course, Like Dragons Did They Fight. He wrote about how to deal with a husband who is not fully living up to his potential because of an addiction. Clark’s addiction to video games and his depression, which I believe in his case, is an addiction, are definitely causing him not to perform to his potential. He’s not abusive with words or violence, but in a way, his unwillingness to look at the situation and change so that we have money for those other categories and for the future is a form of abuse. It’s hurting me and the children. I can’t take it any more!

 

Maurice says that when a husband isn’t fulfilling his husband/fatherly duties, it’s time for a wife to go into Pioneer mode. He explains it on his blog. (http://www.lifechangingservices.org/2011/10/casualty-of-this-war-part-iii-i-fee/) This is when a woman gets to defend herself. He says there are three levels of self-defense in Pioneer Woman mode, 1. Words, then 2. Walls, then 3. Weapons.

So I’ve been thinking how to apply these to myself. Here are my thoughts. I present these to Thee and ask Thee to help me refine them to accord with Thy will in my specific situation.

 

1. Words

This involves using kind words and assuming the best and giving the benefit of the doubt. It also means using words to protect against abuse and ask for it to stop. This is what the Lost Classical Womanly Arts book teaches. I am going to try this more. I admit that I haven’t always used positive words with Clark as much as I could. Instead, it’s always been, “When are you going to get a job?” and “Clark, you need a job. What is your plan for getting one?” For a time I was asking at least one of the questions every day. I realize now that even though that didn’t seem like nagging, it actually was.  I used to take comfort that I wasn’t an obnoxious feminist wife like Lauren, always bossing James around. Then I finally realized that persistently asking those questions was obnoxious too. I wasn’t letting him own the provider role or giving him any confidence that he could do it. I was just always expecting him to have the answer right away of where we were going to get more money. Then I would start telling him my ideas. I wasn’t giving him any space to come up with own ideas.

 

Instead, I am going to say to him something like this, “We can’t go on living like this. I understand you lost your job and haven’t found one yet. We’ve been living on the inheritance money and welfare but it will run out soon if we go month after month living like this. We are counting on you to earn the money for us to live on. You can do it! I am sorry that I have taken over the father and husband jobs of stressing about our financial future and telling you where to get a job. I have been treating you like a little boy, who needs to be told what to do, instead of a man. I know you can get another job that will allow you to earn the money for all of our needs and reasonable wants. If we lived a long time ago, I wouldn’t let you come home unless you had food that you had hunted or gathered for us. And you wouldn’t want to come home empty-handed either. You are our provider! We are counting on you. We know you can do it! You are fully capable of going out there in the world and finding a job to support us. I know you have struggled with depression, but now that you have medication for it you can function at a job.  I know you can! I believe in you. I don’t expect to see a job within a week, but I expect to see you working to find one. I expect to see progress. I ask that you not come to bed Saturday night unless you have applied to 5 jobs, one for every weekday.  I know you can do it. If you have to stay up all night applying for jobs on the Internet, then do it!”

2. Walls

So if he comes to bed Saturday night and hasn’t applied to 5 jobs for the week, which might happen because of his gaming addiction, I am going to insist that we have a wall between us. I am going to ask him to sleep downstairs. If he refuses, then I am going to leave and create the wall myself. I have been thinking about where to go with the kids. I would rather not go to Grandma’s. I think I am going to talk to Diana, my close friend in the ward. I am not going to talk to her about Clark’s negative habits. I am just going to say that I might need a break from regular life so can I come if needed on a Friday and Saturday night, with all the kids? I feel close enough to her to know that that would not be imposing on her. She’s always been very generous in her service to others and likes having people over. I thank Thee for blessing me with her friendship.

 

3. Weapons

If the wall doesn’t work then I will have to resort to using weapons against him. In my situation, that doesn’t mean a literal gun. He is not threatening me with violence, so I don’t need real weapons or a restraining order. I am going to have to figure out what “weapons” in my situation means. It might just mean thicker walls for a longer time, like separate homes and separate bank accounts so that I can maintain thicker walls.

#2. In order to create income, I have some clearing to do with money. I have grown up with a lot of negative attitudes towards money. I didn’t have any money of my own until I moved in with Grandma and could earn some babysitting for neighbors. Even then it wasn’t a ton. I went to college on a full-ride scholarship that paid for my housing and food. I got married three days after I graduated from college so I’ve never had to be on my own and support myself by working a 9 to 5 job. Clark had a great job and he made more than enough money in the “good old days.” We saved quite a bit in the early years of our marriage.  That came in handy later on when we realized we weren’t going to have any babies. We were able to start adopting with our savings. It was a little bit after we got Isabelle, our last baby, that he lost his job. We limped along with him doing temp jobs. Then his grandpa died and he got this huge chunk of money and he figured he could start coasting and not continue to earn an income for the near future.

 

I don’t understand why he thinks that! This money will run out! Our kids are getting bigger. This three bedroom, 2 bathroom home with no family room will not serve us well when these kids are older and wanting to have friends over for parties or when they are getting married and having kids of their own, bringing them home. And I would love to adopt more! I’ve always dreamed of having a huge home with tons of bedrooms so I can be a foster and adoptive mom to 2 dozen! I want to be able to host Thanksgiving or Christmas Dinners here with lots of people. I would like a home with a big gathering room that we can fill with tables and food and people. As the kids get older, I would like to have money we can allot to them that we would normally use to buy their own food and clothing and entertainment so they can learn to manage money and be wise stewards. Clark just seems to think we can keep having people just give us boxes of hand-me-down clothes which is what has happened in the past so we don’t have to buy any. He thinks we have no need to create more money, we will just maintain with the amount we have.

 

I just don’t get him. We need more money! I want to get out of debt and I want to have money for all those things I just mentioned. I want to give money when asked for donations and I want to give large sums of money without being asked, to worthy causes. That can’t happen on our current income.

In regards to money, I’ve got to create some money if I ever need to have longer, thicker walls between us. I want to have the financial freedom to support myself and the children, so I am not reliant on his limiting depression. I’ve decided it’s time to write a letter to money to clear up the energy around me so it flows to me better. So here goes:

 

Dear Money,

I must admit I haven’t always had a healthy relationship with you. Maybe that’s why you sometimes avoid me and we have troubles. For most of my life I felt like it was up to someone else as to how much you visited and stayed with me. That someone else was first my drug-addict parents, then Grandma, then it was my husband.  I thought someone else, the guy they worked for, determined how much of you they got, and in turn, how much I got. I also knew that something else out of my control, drugs and alcohol, came and took money from my parents. As I got older I still believed that the money I got was controlled by outside forces. This is because my enemy, the dark side, knew that I could someday do some amazing things helping people with you so he whispered lies to me. I gullibly accepted them because I was not actively looking for the truth about you. No more! I am becoming more and more of your friend every day as I wake up to the awesome future you and I can have together helping people, including my children. That awesome future depends on me adhering to the truths about you. So I have gone to the ultimate source of truth, the scriptures, and I have found the following marvelous truths about you:

 

1. Money is good. I am not to put it first it in my life. I am to put the kingdom of God first in my life. After I do that I can seek after you if I use you to help the poor, feed the hungry, clothe the naked, and liberate the captive. These are symbols for many things. The poor can include those poor in worldly things as well as poor in knowledge. The hungry can be those who lack food as well as those who lack spiritual and mental nourishment. The naked are those who lack clothes as well as those who are exposed to physical, mental, and spiritual harshness or extremities. The captive are those who are not completely physically, spiritually, and financially free. I want to help all these people with you!

 

2. I use you, my money, to create and build real things that last and are not wasted. 2 Nephi 9:51

 

3. You are not the root of all evil. It’s loving you more than God that is the root of all evil. 1 Timothy 6:10.

 

4. There is enough money in the world for everyone to have what they want. D&C 104:17

5. Debt is not good. The prophet has counseled us to only use debt to get a modest home and maybe a car. God has spoken, “And again, verily I say unto you, concerning your debts—behold it is my will that you shall pay all your debts.” Doctrine and Covenants 104:78. So I want to pay our debts and feel free of financial bondage.

 

6.  It’s OK for a housewife to attract money if directed by God. I have many girlfriends who have this notion that it is evil for a housewife to earn ANY money. It is also easy for them to say this since they are well provided for by their husbands. I, however, am not well provided for. I have the bare basics, so compared to third world women in the world, I guess I am well provided for. But I don’t have everything that is needful. Whatever is going on with my husband is his deal. It’s not right that the amount of money I have be limited by his struggles to work and whatever else is going on with him, namely his depression and his addiction to gaming. The Proclamation on the Family does say that fathers/husbands are primarily responsible for providing for their families, and mothers are responsible for nurturing. Then it says that they are to help each other in these roles as equal partners. It also says death, disability, or other circumstances may necessitate individual adaptation. I have prayed and feel that Clark’s depression is like unto a disability just as a long-term illness is. I choose to attract more of you. So…guess what I did this morning? Yep,  I looked up scriptures about women and money in the Bible. This is what God’s word is about you, money, and housewives:

10 ¶Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.

 

11 The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.

 

12 She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.

 

13 She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands.

 

14 She is like the merchants’ ships; she bringeth her food from afar.

 

15 She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens.

 

16 She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard.

 

17 She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms.

 

18 She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night.

 

19 She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff.

 

20 She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy.

 

21 She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet.

22 She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple.

 

23 Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land.

 

24 She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant.

 

25 Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come.

 

26 She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.

 

27 She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.

 

28 Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.

 

29 Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all.

 

30 Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised.

This is my new vision of what I can be as a virtuous woman, a virtuous housewife. I can attract money and invest it wisely. I use you money to stretch you out to the poor, to the needy, to cover my children with protection from the elements, and to turn you into things I can sell. It may not be fine linen and girdles and fruits of a vineyard, but it is things that help me to be blessed by my children, praised by my husband, and able to feel strength, honor, and rejoicing. I use my time and energy to be a vessel for God to let money flow through me to go to where it does the most service for others. Lucy Mack Smith, the prophet Joseph Smith’s mother, had some industries going to attract money. If the prophet’s mother felt it was OK to earn money, I feel OK about earning money as well.

 

8. Thou will reward me for my hard work. As it says in 2 Chronicles 15:7:

“Be ye strong therefore, and let not your hands be weak: for your work shall be rewarded.”

 

In summary, money, bring it on! I am in harmony with you. I look forward to seeing a lot more of you!

 

Emma

 

In this section of Dates With God, where we see Jill have a Mother’s Day from hell and battle with anger over her husband’s verbal abuse. She recovers and comes up with a plan to do Power Actions on steroids! Here’s Jill’s Letter #9 which is Chapter 9, Part 2.

Post-Course Letter #1 from Jill

 

Dear God,

 

How did I see Thy hand in my life today God? I saw it in the form of my sweet neighbor who offered to babysit my three little kids who don’t go to school so I could get my grocery shopping done quickly this morning. That was so helpful. I love knowing that I don’t have to go shopping this Saturday morning, when it’s so much more hectic. She must have asked in her morning prayers who she could help today, because I totally needed help. I was dreading taking them all because I have felt exhausted. It would have been tricky to go shopping any night this week because of other commitments and I hate shopping in the afternoon during the golden hours of nap times.

 

I am so glad that I finally have fallen in love with reading the scriptures. In addition to looking up scriptures about Thine hands and handiwork, I have read scriptures about Thy mouth, Thy word, Thy eyes, and Thy mind. I have taken lots of notes about them. I feel I have been transformed. I used to hate reading the scriptures. I haven’t written about that much yet but if I am going to read scriptures like a warrior I have to address this issue that I’ve had my whole life. I have been avoiding writing about my repeated lost battles with scripture reading but now it’s time to be open with Thee about it. I used to never find much meaning in the scriptures. They were so boring. I struggled for years with reading scriptures consistently and enjoying it. Even during this class, I have missed reading the scriptures every single day. I have these memories of playing with a neighbor friend when I was 6 or so after dinner. Her parents would always call her home for family scripture reading. I thought that was weird. I always resented that our play was interrupted by scriptures. My scripture issues came up again a while ago. When we were leaving for church many months ago, I saw the kids gathering up their smart-looking, stylish scripture totes, which were all handmade by me. I came up with some cool no sew scripture totes that I created a tutorial for on my blog. As they picked up their totes, I had a thought, “You care more about looking good than being good. They use their scriptures more at church than at home, and they use them more than you.” Ouch! Normally I would brush that aside but it really stung. I think I was at a Level 0 so I actually took it to heart and didn’t ignore it or resent the sting.

 

During church that day, I actually had the baby asleep so I could flip through the scriptures without him grabbing them. I found this scripture that completely amazed me:

 

“And many more things did the people imagine up in their hearts, which were foolish and vain; and they were much disturbed, for Satan did stir them up to do iniquity continually; yea, he did go about spreading rumors and contentions upon all the face of the land, that he might harden the hearts of the people against that which was good and against that which should come.” Helaman 16:22

 

I thought, “That is totally me! I have been letting satan harden my heart against that which is good for decades. Sure I like to look good, as my clothes and kids and house and blog show, but do I look good on the inside? Am I actually seeking for the good that really matters, the things of the Spirit that I can take with me after I die? Do I seek after that eternal good?” Ever since my dad died two weeks ago I have been looking at what really matters in life. My dad spent a lifetime building up his business and estate. But he couldn’t take them with him. Sure he left an estate to his kids and grandkids, but the money he left pales in comparison to his sad spiritual legacy. He was such a critical, harsh person, always seeking the next deal or thrill. That destroyed his marriage and his family life. I want to learn from his bad example. So I have been asking myself “What spiritual legacy do you want to leave your kids? What spiritual things are you going to take with you when you die?”

 

So dear God, I really need help to make my new scripture reading habit stick. I acknowledge all of my sins and weaknesses before Thee. I’m sorry I’ve been so “prone to wander.” I’m sorry I haven’t taught my kids much about Thee. I need Thee to help me everyday read my scriptures and start a family scripture reading habit as well.

 

Before I finish this letter, I have to tell Thee, I had the Mother’s Day from Hell just last week. I know that you know all about it but maybe with me writing it out I will get some perspective. It was horrible. I honestly wish sometimes that I could just not have Rob in my life. Our church is from 11 to 2 PM which is normally not a problem. But last week, my in-laws invited us to their place for a big Mother’s Day barbecue, starting at 6. Since it is a two hour drive, we had to leave at 4. That only gave me 2 hours between the time our church was over and our departure time. I don’t know what was with Rob that day, I guess he was at a Level 3 or 4, because he kept giving me verbal jabs all day, on Mother’s Day of all days. Things like “I wish you would put the salt back when you use it, you are always leaving things all over the place,” or “When are you going to stop letting the kids get away with picking their noses?” I had so much to do after church, like feed the little kids a lunch to tide them over until the barbecue, make the potato salad and the brownies, plus make something sugar-free for Rob’s mom. Did he ask to help? No. Did he agree to help when I asked him? Yes, but then he never actually got his butt up to help and kept lingering on the Internet. Then it took a lot longer for us to get out the door, because I remembered I had to find the Mother’s Day gift I got for his mom, 2 weeks prior, which was hidden away from the kids, and then wrap it, and then find all the toppings I had planned for the sugar-free dessert.

 

As we were leaving in the car he said to me, “You are always the one to make us late to these family times!” Oh the nerve of that man! Never mind that I was the one to remember to buy something for his mom, wrap it, and make her a dessert she can eat. Then, our car broke down on the freeway. It just stopped working and we had to pull over and wait for a tow truck to come help. The tow truck driver pulled the car onto his flatbed and we rode on top of that, in the car, the rest of the way. That was fun, but unfortunately, that was the only fun thing that happened that night. We eventually got there, late, and I had to scramble to put together the dessert and missed out on all the fun talk between my sisters outside on the patio. I didn’t get time to relax. I had to ask my brother to borrow his car for the drive home, and then we had to wait for him to clean it out so we could all fit. Then, my sister-in-law came up to me and said that my son had just called her teenage daughter fat. I offered to have him apologize but she said that would make it worse. She was in her bedroom crying. On the way home she sent me a text telling me more about how awful her daughter felt. I felt awful, realizing that I had never taught my child that it is rude to tell people they are fat. I just forget that each kid needs to be told that and assume they will pick up certain bits of polite behavior and knowledge by osmosis. Oh, the mothering never ends! So needless to say, I felt like an awful mother on Mother’s Day.

 

The good news is that when I got home, after the kids were finally in bed, I was able to recognize, hey, I am feeling lousy. This lousiness does not come because I am a mess, it is coming from satan telling me that I am a mess. It is also coming from satan telling my husband that I am a mess. Hey, satan is building on that by feeding me lies that I am an awful mother. Hey, this is a perfect time to do my drill. My new drill is to take out my affirmation script card, read it out loud, do ten deep breaths while I visualize being held in the arms of the Savior. Then I go lie down on my bed, with my head off the edge, and I massage my scalp. The whole thing relaxes me and invigorates me at the same time.

 

My drills and my Power actions are helping me so much! I see more and more that I show that I honor and worship Thee by doing my Power actions as soon as I can every day, first thing in the morning. That way, my Power actions have become a sacred ritual. I hope that as I show I rely on Thee and worship Thee by connecting with Thee for the first part of my day that Thou wilt come to me in my times of need. Thou did say in the scriptures, “Draw near unto me, and I will draw near unto thee.” (D&C 88:69) I see how much better my life and my kids are when I draw unto Thee every day, rain or shine, no matter how I’m feeling, first thing in the morning. That shows that I am putting Thee first in my life as I look to Thee as the first thing I think about. I love Thee. I am forever grateful to Thee for blessing me with the gift of Thy Son, my Savior Jesus Christ, so I can repent and make permanent change. I thank Thee for helping me to discover the power of Power Actions and my three daily Girl Goals. The Power actions have given me an order to my hugely chaotic life. I also love the renewal and refreshment I get from them that I desperately need as a busy mom of 8. I feel for the first time in my life that Thou art literally my Father who watches over me with a tender caring love.

 

I have loved my study of the scriptures using themes. Now I am ready to change things up as to how I study. I am ready for a different structure. I was reading the story of Samuel in 1 Samuel 3. I realized that Samuel would not have been able to recognize the voice he heard, finally, as the Lord’s voice, if he had been listening to too many voices. I realized that I have spent my whole life listening to too many voices, especially those of pop culture and media. Verse 19 especially struck me, “And Samuel grew, and the Lord was with him, and did let none of his words fall to the ground.”  

 

I suddenly realized that for years I have been letting the Lord’s words fall to the ground. I haven’t read the Lord’s words, found in the scriptures, much at all. I haven’t read the teachings of the latter-day prophets in the manuals that we’ve been using in the Relief Society and priesthood meetings since before I got married. And when I teach my Primary class I tend to hurry and listen to the lesson while I am curling my hair on Sunday morning, before church. The lesson usually has scriptures to “prayerfully read.” I have been always skipping over those.

 

I decided that if I am going to know the Lord’s voice so I can hear it and if I want to be able to hear it I am going to have to become familiar with His voice and His word, which is in the scriptures. So I am turning over a new leaf. Here is my new plan for my reading time for the “R” of  my PoWeR Actions. I can’t believe I am being this nerdy, with a study plan, with the scriptures, no less, but it actually feels exciting to me!

 

I am extending my reading time to at least 10 minutes, and sometimes I am going to read for 15 minutes.

 

Monday: Read the scriptures referenced in my Primary lesson. and then my Primary lesson. If I don’t finish reading in the 5 to 15 minutes, I am going to finish listening to the lesson while I fix breakfast.

 

Tuesday through Wednesday: Read all of the scriptures mentioned in the upcoming Sunday School/Gospel Doctrine lesson, including the scripture chain at the end of the lesson

 

Thursday through Friday: Read the lesson for the upcoming Relief Society lesson, including all of the scriptures referenced. Those lessons are either a General Conference talk or a chapter from the current Teachings of the Presidents of the Church manual.

 

Saturday through Sunday: Pick up where I last left off in my study of the recent General Conference. I am going to not only read each talk one by one but I am going to read all of the scriptures mentioned in each talk and either mark them or write them out in my journal.

 

So here’s my plan for my writing. When I read the Primary lesson, I am going to write down any thoughts I have as I read, or any scriptures that I really like. When I read the Gospel Doctrine lesson, I am going to write out the questions in the class member study guide, look up the answer in the scriptures given, and write the answers out. Then I will mark the scripture chain. For the Teachings of the Presidents of the Church lessons, I will write down the questions and answers at the end of each chapter, as well as write out the scriptures. I decided to write out the questions and actually answer them because I was thinking about my kids’ charter school. One of the founding principles of the school is to use the Socratic method for teaching every subject at every grade. That’s because we learn a lot more when we are faced with questions and come up with our own answers. I realized, hey, I think I will learn a lot more from the scriptures if I actually have questions to guide me in my reading and I look for answers. I figure the prophet has approved all of these questions in the study guide so it’s like I am being guided in my scripture study by the prophet. What better way to learn about the scriptures?  

 

That’s going to be all before breakfast. Then I am going to write more! After I am done with my prayer, scripture reading and scripture writing that I do first thing after I wake up, I am going to set my journal down at my place at the dining room table. That reminds me to do my drill right after I eat my breakfast. I have decided that my new drill is to ask myself every morning “What am I fighting for?” The answer to that is my three Girl Goals. Then I am going to ask “Why am I fighting?” “Why don’t I give up?” and then “How is the enemy going to attack me and how am I going to prepare to fight back?”

 

Then in the evening, right before bed, I am going to ask myself “How did I see Thy hand today God?” Then I am going to write down all of the whisperings of the Spirit that I remember for the day and any tender mercies that I felt from Thee. I am also going to review what I got done in the day, what I didn’t get done, and what my plans are for tomorrow.

 

I have felt the enemy has stepped up his game in attacking me so I have to step up my game and strengthen my borders to fight back. As the saying goes, “New level, new devil.” I am so grateful that Thou hast given me the tools I need to step up my game.

 

I was listening to a talk in sacrament meeting where the speaker was talking about family history and legacy. He asked, “When was the last time you did something hard for your grandchildren?” As I thought about it I realized, “Hey, it was just last night when I wrote in my journal even though I was so dead tired.: That made me feel so marvelous! I think it’s so amazing that someday my posterity is going to be amazed that they have journals of their great- grandmother and that she didn’t miss a day of writing for decades. They are going to be wowed by how many times, God, that Thou worked in my life. It will increase their testimonies and their determination to keep their covenants. They are also going to know me so well, even though I will be dead. That will make our reunion in the next life that much more joyful!

 

Your awestruck daughter,

Jill

copyright 2015 by Celestia Shumway 

Here’s Kate’s Letter #8 from my novel Dates With God, in which Kate learns the power of the “praise principle” to be at peace with her obesity and her husband’s cancer.

Kate’s Letter #8

 

Dear God,

 

Last week in class we talked about praise. One of the moms said that she had just learned the “praise principle” from a blog she read. I can totally see how praise is a principle.  Praise is a desirable action and it is universal. So it applies to everyone and every situation. I see it as a way not to increase our bargaining power to get what we want from Thee, but to feel closer to Thee and Thy vision for us. It is a way to see as Thou seest, God. For example, the blog I read had a story about a man who was stranded on a desert island. So he built a hut. His hut caught fire, but fortunately, the next day, a helicopter came and rescued him. He asked how the pilot knew to get him. The pilot answered that he saw the smoke from the burning hut. I started wondering about that. My hut certainly feels like it’s burning down and I’m losing everything. But the smoke ascending from the fire is getting my attention so that I will see God rescuing me.

 

 

Lauren shared with us what she learned as she applied the praise principle to her own life. I learned so much from what she shared that I am going to write some of what she shared here. I took notes because I was so blown away by what she said. Here’s most of what I can remember:

 

“OK, so here goes. Let me introduce you to Lauren. Lauren has 4 kids and is stressed to the breaking point because of her many jobs. She’s a very capable midwife, doula, childbirth educator, nonprofit manager, and blogger. Her marriage, however, is falling apart. Her husband works 12 hours a day so he can avoid being home. Her oldest son is a porn addict. All of her kids are failing school. She has the sorrow of knowing that her son got two of his friends addicted to porn as well. She has a knack of making enemies online. She has plenty of money but can’t relax and enjoy it because of all of her stress.

 

“Praise God  that Lauren has stress. That allows her to see that some things in her life aren’t working for her and it’s time to change. Praise God that her marriage is falling apart. Because of that, she is asking herself how much her marriage is worth so that she can show her husband how much she really wants him in her life. Praise God that her husband works 12 hours a day. She can see that he can provide easily for the family even if he worked 8 hours a day, so that she can cut back on her outside commitments and spend more time with her family. Praise God that her son is a porn addict. She is learning to love more than she ever thought possible as she feels the atonement of Christ there for her son and for her. She relies on that love flowing through her in a way she has never felt before as she reaches out to him without shame, in total love and willingness to support him as he fights his battles every day.

 

“Praise God that her kids are failing school. That allows her to turn to God to learn what He would have her do to serve them. Praise God that her son got two of his friends hooked on porn. That allows her to feel on the other side of mercy. She is used to being in a position of deciding whether or not to give mercy to others, because, at least according to her, she is always right. Now she is on the other side, feeling the need to feel others’ forgiveness and mercy. She knows that God is bigger than any of her problems or any addictions and that God is always there for her. Praise God that she has plenty of money but too much stress. She knows she can live on less money, and let go of some of her money-making jobs that give her stress.”

 

That’s as best as I can remember what Lauren said. When she was sharing it with us, I started tearing up a bit.

 

Now it’s my turn.

 

“Let me introduce you to Kate. She is fat and her husband is dying of cancer. She is addicted to food. She hates the way she looks when she sees herself in a mirror. She is so embarrassed to go clothes shopping. She has heard kids snickering when she walks by. She feels exhausted all the time. Kate has no idea if her husband will be around to see their kids get married and have kids of their own.

 

“Praise God that Kate is fat. (ooh, that one was hard) She knows this is a weakness, and as she turns to God in her weakness God will make her weakness strong. Praise God that she is a food addict. She has plenty of food to eat and the ability to enjoy it. Because she has plenty of food and enjoys eating, she can learn to know what food is best for her body to give her the nutrients she needs to feel satisfied and nourished, and then stop eating. As she does this consistently, she can then lose weight. Praise God that she has a body that she can learn to tune in to so she can tell what foods nourish her. Praise God that she has this addiction so she can learn what emotions are causing her to turn to eating. She can learn to identify those emotions and find the root of those emotions so she can learn to deal with those emotions in other ways besides eating.

 

“Praise God that her husband is dying of cancer. (ooohh, that one is even harder!) She sees how blessed she has been to have a husband who is truly in love with her. She sees how amazing and precious life is, that every day is a new day to feel the wonderful hand of God in blessing her with a husband and children to love and serve. Her husband’s possible death allows her to feel the power of her covenants and the reality of Christ’s atonement and resurrection. His possible death also shows to her that death can truly be sweet to those who die knowing Christ. Praise God for this for she knows Christ on a closer level than she ever did before. She absolutely knows it is true, through the witness of the Holy Ghost, that her husband will rise again, to live with her forever. She sees how many marriages are failing. Praise God that she can be a beacon for others to show that marriage is for love, selfless service, happiness, fostering the growth of children, and to lay a foundation for a happy family life that will never end. Praise God that she gets embarrassed going clothes shopping. It gives her motivation to get to the bottom of her emotional eating and change it.

 

“Praise God that kids laugh at her when she walks by. She knows the pain of people not liking her appearance. That gives her deep compassion for all people who are shunned because of their looks or other surface reasons. It gives her a bigger heart that helps her connect better with people so she can serve them better. Praise God that she doesn’t know if her husband will live to see grandchildren. She can preserve all the wisdom that her husband has by writing down his stories and memories so her children and grandchildren will know him and know he is saving a place for them in heaven.”

 

I thought that would be hard but once I got going it was fairly easy. And I felt more energy and love as I wrote those praise statements. It’s really true that praise and gratitude lift us to a higher level, to the level where Thou art. I think of Nephi and how he praised Thee all the day long even when tied up by his brothers (1 Nephi 18:16). Whenever I start to think I’m in bondage to depressing thoughts I will think of Nephi and start praising Thee in whatever situation I am in.

 

I decided to look up “praise” in the scriptures. Here’s my favorite, Alma 26:14:

 

“Blessed be the name of our God; let us sing to his praise, yea, let us give thanks to his holy name, for he doth work righteousness forever.”

 

love,

Kate

Copyright 2015 by Celestia Shumway

Here’s Part 4 of Chapter 8 of Dates With God: How Four Mormon Mamas Beat Satan With the Book of Mormon. In this part, we have Lauren humbling herself to realize the truth about birth control which she can share with her midwifery clients. She also makes a big announcement! 

Lauren’s Letter Week #8

 

Dear God,

 

I love Thee so much God! I love how much Thou hast worked with me. I know it wasn’t easy. I tend to sort of go along with Thee, sometimes. OK, OK, I guess in my heart I still rebel. I go along with what Thou sayest, sometimes, but I do it spiritually kicking and screaming the whole way. Just like my kids I guess. But I have improved. I am a better parent as I have improved my relationship with Thee. I want to be a parent like Thee someday. I hope it can happen at least in the next life. I have a lot to learn from Thee about loving completely and unconditionally as Thou doest. I’ve noticed that Thou always sticks to the words that Thou givest to Thine children. As it says in the scriptures, in Doctrine and Covenants 1:38:

 

“What I the Lord have spoken, I have spoken, and I excuse not myself; and though the heavens and the earth pass away, my word shall not pass away, but shall all be fulfilled, whether by mine own voice or by the voice of my servants, it is the same.”

 

So if I am going to become like Thee, I get to learn to always have my words match my actions, so that they “will all be fulfilled.” That’s one reason I love this Mothers Who Know class. I am learning to be true to my word, which includes my Girl Goals. I am learning to speak something and then make it true so my kids can count on my word. I have a long way to go in for that to be true with my kids. I love them, but I don’t always follow through with what I tell them. I am getting better at that though.

 

I’ve known my whole life that Thou art my father and I’ve treated Thee like one but I love knowing that I can treat Thee like a drill sergeant too. That’s news to me. But really, it’s not news for me in the way I treat my kids. I tend to be that way, LOL, always telling them things to do but then I wasn’t there to help them or follow through to see if they did it or not. But to think of Thee as a drill sergeant, hmmm, that’s something new. Wow, that really applies to this class because we talk about doing drills to help us stop sliding down the chemical scale. The drills that work for Kate or Emma don’t work for me. I can see how Thou, as my father, knows what drills work best for me and can tell me what would work best for me, according to my gifts and temperament and goals.

 

So every morning, when I pray, it’s like I am reporting to duty. I’m asking Thee what I need to know and do that very day to fight and win my battles. I can get ideas for drills from Thee, especially as I read the scriptures. Every night when I pray it’s like I am returning and reporting and telling Thee how well I did and acknowledging where I failed. Right now, my drills are going splendidly well. Every time I get despondent about Logan I do my drill. The reason I can do the drill so well is because I have been drilling it three times a day already, so I can immediately do it when I discern that slight chemical shift of despondency. I no longer lie awake at night with my mind racing, thinking about what an awful mom I am and having the “If only I had done this…” and “If only I hadn’t done that…” or “I am such a horrible mom.”

 

I have come up with some affirmations to say when I start to feel those regrets. “Dear God, I know I am made in Thine image. Because I am Thy daughter, I have the gift of the atoning grace of Thine Only Begotten Son. I know I am enough. I am a mom who loves my children. I take care of my children and am there for them. I let go of the past. I turn over my sorrows and regrets to Thy son, my Savior Jesus Christ, who willingly bears these burdens because of His love for me. I allow room for new wisdom and light to help me and my son move forward in hope and faith of being better servants of God, born again through the cleansing blood of Thy Son.” I have written this on a 3 x 5 card that I keep in my pocket. I have an alarm on my phone to remind me to say this 3 times a day as a drill. Because I have drilled it 3 times a day for many days, now I automatically get the card out whenever I start to feel sadness, regret, and guilt. I say it with deep breathing five times after my nightly prayer, right before I go to sleep. It has allowed me to sleep peacefully in the embrace of Thy love. I also know how to support Logan now and that his addiction really is his battle to fight with the help of Thee and Thy son. I can’t take it over for him, although many times I have wished that i could.

I feel like I am falling in love with James all over again. It’s been such a rocky road the past 5 years and it feels so good to know we are past that all. I love being his wife. I love letting go of that huge weight I had for years of being his boss. I have let it go! Miracles of miracles! Kate’s example has helped a lot. I love being at home more and actually being engaged with my children when I am at home. I am still holding at 1 midwifery client a month, no administering of my organization, and a bit of blogging. I like seeing how I can make such a difference in the way my kids behave because I choose to take the time to prepare better food for them and choose to listen to them instead of focusing on my own stuff and feeding them factory-made food and factory-made entertainment. My work will be here in 20 years, but they will be all grown and I can’t bring that time back.

 

I am slowly realizing that my family is part of my team! I never felt that way before. I just always treated them like dead weights on my pursuit of success. Or trophies, cute things to show off. But never as teammates, until now. Of course, Thee as my God art on my team. I used to always think of Thee and the Savior as the umpire on the team, always calling me out for my bad behavior. But now I realize that you two are really like a cheerleader, a coach, and my biggest fans all rolled into one!

 

Over the years in my midwifery work and my blogging I have met a lot of potential teammates. I have a lot of mom friends with similar goals as mine, who want to help women find the power within them to trust the birth process. It’s my turn to learn from other moms instead of always having to be the person who knows it all, which is what I have felt like I had to be as a wife and mom, and even back in high school, college, and law school.

 

Speaking of not knowing it all, I just experienced a time on my blog where I didn’t know the answer. Somebody posted a comment about the evils of the Pill on my blog and it has sparked a huge controversy with tons of comments. For once, it’s a controversy not started by me, LOL.

 

I checked out the link that the original poster referred to. I learned about the dangers of the Pill. I’ve always dismissed these claims before, as a mom and as a midwife. The Pill was so convenient to rely on. I recently looked into the claims of the dangers and I felt convicted to change my mind. The thing I never looked into before was the ACOG statement in 1976. The ACOG is the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists which is the leading group of medical doctors who specialize in childbirth. This organization gave a new definition to conception with the statement.

 

As a midwife and childbirth educator, I have been leery of the ACOG more and more as I have seen the stats each year for C-sections. Each year the percentage of births that are C-sections increases. As I asked before, are women’s bodies somehow being made more defective, year after year, so they are less capable of having a vaginal birth? I don’t think so! Something else is going on. There’s more going on with what they say happens at the conception side of the process as well. Back in 1976  the ACOG redefined conception to mean the point at which a fertilized egg implants in the mother’s lining of the uterus. But six days before implantation the egg and sperm join. That was the original definition of conception. So the new human life has been growing for six days. I suspect that the ACOG wanted to get around any religious and cultural-based desires women had not to use something that would kill life, so they created this new definition of conception, the start of life. That way they wouldn’t feel guilty for lying to the American public. This way they could say that the Pill wasn’t really killing new life, because new life hadn’t started yet. It was just not allowing the precursor to new life to become new life. Pretty sneaky. From all my recent research, I realize now that the Pill is both abortive and contraceptive. It kills life, and it prevents life from starting.  Now I am feeling regretful that I never told my clients anything about the risks of using the Pill. The site, thepillkills.com totally inspires me and now I want to start sharing everything that I learn from it. I’m totally feeling the call to learn all about natural family planning.

 

Well, I guess that it will be a while for me to really get into it because I’m actually pregnant! I can’t wait to tell the class. They are going to be speechless! I love being a shocker, in a good way! I know, it’s hard to believe. Me, the confirmed, four kids is the most I can handle, me, the one who threw a party when my youngest went to kindergarten. Me, the one who gave away all my baby clothes the minute my youngest turned one. I thank Thee for the miracle of my new life and the miracle of the new life inside of me as well.

 

I have found that by having each of my kids set Man and Girl Goals, that gives me something more to talk about with them. It forces me to interact with them beyond asking “How did your day go?” which is notorious for eliciting silence and shrugs.  It helps me to talk with them each night before I do bedtime stories with them when I look at their page to initial the box to sign them off for accomplishing their goals for the day. We talk about their biggest victories for the day or their biggest lost battles. I ask them if they are still fighting for their goals and why are they fighting. I’ve helped them set 28 rewards and 7 day mini-rewards for along the way. I find myself not being bored when I am with them like I used to think I would be if I were home all day with them. I feel amazed that I have changed so much.

 

Signed,

Your Eternally Devoted Daughter,

Lauren

 

Whenever I think about Costco I think about the song from Bedknobs and Broomsticks called “Portobello Road.” It’s about a street in London that sells everything like “artifacts to glorify your regal abode” and “jerkins and pleasures, yesterday’s treasures.” Except Costco doesn’t sell old or used stuff so I can’t really say it sells artifacts or yesterday’s treasures. But it definitely sells a HUGE variety of objects to please your tastes, everything from tires to insurance to furniture to eyeglasses to clothing to prescription drugs to high quality meat to organic produce to chocolate-covered macadamia nuts to  interior design to home remodeling. Everything to fulfill your needs from cradle to grave.

On one of my recent visits, I chuckled to see a Costco “member” carrying all of his purchases in both arms. Someone offered to get him a cart, and he replied, “Oh no, I decided not to get a cart on purpose so I can get out of here without spending $100!” So true! If I don’t watch what I put in the cart, I end up leaving having spent 150 to 200 bucks easily! It’s a superbly consciously wonderful day when I get in and out and spend only $40!

Here are some great deals I have found at Costco:

• those chocolate covered macadamia nuts (my absolute favorite Costco product! although they do have corn syrup and other toxins so I don’t get them much, you know, the 80/20 rule)

• roasted macadamia nuts…so yummy!

• pistachio nuts, an enormous bag for $19.99

• a big container of organic spring mix, for $3.98

• maple syrup, $11.79 for a jug, although it’s Grade A, and Sarah Pope says Grade B is much better here. smaller containers from Walmart are about $9.99

• the bags of lemons and limes, useful if you use lots of those, if not then they will go bad before you get through all of them

• the warranty on laptops is awesome, it is included with the purchase and covers drops and spills. When we bought a laptop online from another store for my teen daughter for Christmas two years ago, we paid extra for that kind of warranty. She went away to college and did end up spilling hot cocoa on the keyboard. We were grateful we had bought the warranty. Later we bought a laptop from Costco and were pleased to find out the drop and spill warranty is included.

• the organic corn chips

Here’s what I don’t like about Costco:

• no signs on the aisles to tell you what type of items are on the aisle, undoubtedly done on purpose so you wander the store and make more purchases

• the fact that there’s only one kind of apples for sale, in that hard plastic packaging that probably costs more than just thin plastic bags.Note: I just went to Costco this past Tuesday, and this time they had 4 or 5 different kinds of apples including honey crips and gala. Maybe because it’s fall harvest time? And they did have some in bags this time.

• the check-out lines are always long

• no Greek yogurt, like I find at Walmart, that is free of fillers and preservatives, and so thick and creamy! It has one ingredient: cultured pasteurized grade a WHOLE milk. I haven’t been able to find yogurt anywhere else that is as good. If you can’t afford to buy raw milk and make your own yogurt, this is the next best thing, the best thing Walmart offers!

• the person at the end of the conveyor belt in the check-out line doesn’t offer you a box to put your purchases in, unless you ask for one. You have to remember to ask. That just bugs me. Of course I want a box so I’m not moving 20 individual items from the cart to my car and my car to my kitchen. I can’t call him or her the “bagger” because he/she doesn’t bag the items, but puts them back in your cart after you make the purchase. Maybe the “boxer if asked” person? Or the “carter” person since they put the items back in the cart?

I would love to hear all of your tips for shopping at Costco and all of the deals you have found there! Watch these videos to learn from expert Costco shopper Jordan Page.

Oh dear! I am late again with posting my “episodes” from my new novel, Dates With God. With two boys playing football, homeschool, homeschool co-op, parties, and all my other stuff, I am glad I have Monday to catch up on these posts! Here’s Jill’s Letter #8 in which she discovers how to avoid arguing with her husband and the power of family history and temple work. To get background information about the Chemical Scale, read Like Dragons Did They Fight by Maurice Harker.

Jill’s Week #8

Dear God,

 

It’s been helping me a ton to track what Level on the Chemical Scale that I am feeling. As my letter shows a last week I do get interrupted sometimes and don’t always get it all written down. It has helped me so much though to see that I have legitimate chemical shifts in my body that I am up against. It’s a relief to know that it’s not just me. I am not going crazy. It’s satan working hard on me.

What is my hour of day when I am most vulnerable to satan’s attacks? That would be the afternoon, no, I think morning, no, lunchtime, no, wait! It’s all day! Waaah! I want to cry when I write that. It seems like I am hit all day every day except for maybe when I am in church. I always feel so secure and safe and peaceful at church. I feel stress and overwhelm every day all day Mon. to Sat., and often on Sunday as well outside of church. If I had to choose though, I would have to say that it depends on my goal. I am also realizing that I can have lost battles for those things that aren’t even officially my Girl Goals. For my unofficial goal of not fighting with Rob, I would have to say that my most vulnerable time of day is in the morning when we are both getting dressed. After 18 years of marriage I have finally noticed a pattern that I have “lost battles” for the unofficial goal of having peace with him, in the morning, before 9 AM. I haven’t dared make “not fighting with Rob” a Girl Goal because that would set me up for failure. At least for now, because I feel like I am not skilled enough or have enough knowledge to fight back yet and win in those vulnerable moments. It’s something in the back of my mind I want to have as a daily goal when I have learned better how to quickly get back to Level 0 on the chemical scale.

 

I would like to get my internal alarm to go off between Level 2 and 3 on the Chemical Scale. I would love to say that I could learn how to always stay at Level 0 but I don’t know if that’s humanly possible because satan is always there throwing darts at us.

 

So how am I going to fight back? In the long-term, finish the homework for this class. I am not even caught up with completing the homework, but I’ve decided that in addition to finally doing the homework it would be extremely helpful to ask myself in writing, right after I say my morning prayer, the same question every day from the Captain’s Log of questions and that one is Question #6. Answering that question will help me stay one step ahead of satan.

 

Can I ever be not just one step ahead of him, but insulated from his influence? Actually I do remember hearing Elder Richard G. Scott say in General Conference that if you want to eliminate the influence of the adversary, do family history and temple work. I wonder what the exchange ratio is? One hour of work equals one hour of no attacks? I will have to experiment. I have an aunt whose husband was addicted to porn. She struggled with what to do about it. Looking back, and knowing what I know now from this class, satan was probably really working on her, telling her lies all day every day, like it was her fault because she is not beautiful enough or that she’s worthless. I remember her telling me and my mom that it was after she and her kids had done temple baptisms twice a week for a few months with names that they found on their family tree that she finally got the courage to ask her husband to move out until he was ready to change. So how did she finally have the courage? Maybe satan’s influence was blocked by the influence of the spirits of those she was doing the work for? Maybe the spirits not only blocked satan’s voice but also encouraged her? I don’t know for sure, but I like that idea.

 

So back to my telling Thee about my goals and vulnerable times of day. Like I wrote, I’ve learned to stay clear of Rob when he’s getting dressed to get out to work in the morning. Wallah! Our frequency of fighting went waaaaay down! I’m amazed at how such a little change can make such a big difference. I thank Thee for helping me do the homework and giving me a desire to finally embrace the knowledge from this class and fully engage. Sometimes it just takes me a while to get through the distractions. I’m also so grateful that Thou helps me to see patterns, as Thou seest.

 

I thank Thee God for speaking to me as I answer the Captain’s Log of Questions. I know that Thou art all-knowing and I am not. The cool thing, however, is that I can tap into Thine knowledge, if it be Thy will, by honoring Thee with an obedient heart shown by obedient actions, AND if I take a moment to be still and connect to Thee. When I take the time to quiet my mind and focus my body on actually doing the Power actions including at least one Captain’s Log question as part of my journal writing, then I get my questions answered. Not always right away, but the answers do come.

 

I never want to be cut off from accessing Thy knowledge and protection. I thank Thee for allowing me to have such power and I thank Thee for The unequaled gift of Thine Only Begotten Son that gives me such power, along with my Power Actions.

 

I thank Thee God,

Your adoring Daughter, Jill

 

Copyright 2015 Celestia Shumway

With all of the excitement about the super blood moon yesterday, I’m excited to share this information about how the moon is connected to women’s fertility cycles. Not only that, but specifically, the idea that women can not only be aware of their ovulation, so they can achieve or avoid pregnancy, but that they can control when ovulation happens!

I first heard of this book, Lunaception, from Sarah Pope, The Healthy Home Economist, over here. I was totally fascinated by the concept that women can sync their fertility cycles with the cycles of the moon. The basic principle is that you are at your highest reproductive functioning as a woman if your period starts with the new moon and you ovulate on the day of the full moon. The book suggests that women were meant to be in sync with the moon. Sounds romantic doesn’t it? Tonight’s a full moon, so maybe some of you are already in sync and are ovulating today.

Here is my review of the Lunaception book and an announcement of a giveaway of a copy of the book. If you struggle with infertility, this concept may help you to have fertile cycles and get pregnant. If you struggle with irregular cycles, too long or too short, this book may help so that you know when your period is going to start and aren’t taken by surprise. If you have a fairly regular cycle but would like to know the exact day that you ovulate, then this book will definitely help! (I haven’t tried the method out, but after reading the post on Sarah’s site many months ago, I noticed just the reading of the idea seemed to have an effect on my body as my cycle did sync up with the moon over the summer.)

This book is the personal journey of the author, Louise Lacey, to find a method of “birth control” that wouldn’t violate her body and the sacredness of life (I don’t like that phrase “birth control,” I prefer “fertility awareness.”) Her journey started when she was told by a doctor that she might have breast cancer, because she had lumps in her breast. She was told to get a second opinion from a surgeon. So she did, and was relieved to find out that the lumps weren’t cancerous, they were fibroid masses, probably from taking the Pill. The doctor told her that a lot more women had been having these lumps since the Pill came out. This launched Ms. Lacey to avoid the Pill for the rest of her life. She started searching for another “birth control” method that didn’t “artificially regulate or pervert the natural balances of the body” (her words) with synthetic hormones. She knew that she did not want to be pregnant, so she had to find something to stop pregnancy from happening.

She had had an abortion and had a lot of negative feelings after that. The negative feelings that came from that event motivated her to find a method to avoid pregnancy while being sexually active, that wouldn’t bring on any more negative feelings. She examined what “birth control” methods that she was aware of in the early ’70s and decided against all of them, because all of them involved some kind of violation to her body and life, or weren’t effective. So if you want a review of the technicalities of “birth control” methods, then you can get that by reading Chapter 3. Since the book was written in the early 1970s, some of the information is outdated, but I agree with the basic principle of what I think she is getting at, that no matter the method of artificial birth control, they all violate the sacredness of life.

At this point in my reading of the book, I thought, “What about NFP or fertility awareness? What about the Creighton method? I wish she had known about those!! They don’t violate life or alter hormones with lasting damage and they are effective!” The Creighton Method involves noticing the easiest fertility signal of the woman’s body to notice, namely cervical fluid (it’s what I use). Other NFP methods involve other signals, such as basal body temperature. (I don’t like tracking BBT because it’s such a hassle to take your temperature first thing in the morning, especially if you are a nursing mom. It’s so much easier to notice and track cervical fluid.)

(If you are on the Wasatch Front and want to learn more about the Creighton method, go here.)

OK, OK I will get back from my Creighton NFP digression to the review of the book. The result of Ms. Lacey’s journey is her idea, Lunaception, outlined in the book, which tells the whole story of the idea and how to do it. This is where you sleep in a room that mimics the sleeping environment of being out in the wilds, as primitive women lived, before artificial light, with only the moon to give you light at night. By tracking her BBT and controlling the light, she was able to control when she ovulated. Happily, I noted that along the way she found out that she did have the fertility signal of cervical fluid and that she did use that to note when she was fertile. 

I enjoyed reading about her discovery and appreciate the work she put in to discover Lunaception. Fair warning: The book does have a evolutionary/humanist perspective and does describe her abortion graphically for a paragraph in the first chapter. Skip the first chapter if you don’t want to read about that. I read this book and put my God-based perspective into it. It makes sense that she would have negative feelings after having an abortion, because abortion is a sin. She was feeling guilt and regret. And the Enemy was getting in there, giving her shame feelings. She rose above all that and used the regret to motivate her to find a method of “birth control” that treats life as sacred. She acted like a scientist, conducting an experiment by reading the studies of the affect of light and fertility of the time (early 1970s), talking to others, and controlling the amount of light she got while she slept and tracking her fertility signals (BBT and cervical fluid). To get to her discovery part of the book, skip to Chapter 4.

The whole idea of Lunaception is so liberating! Imagine being able to know exactly what day you are going to ovulate, ahead of time, instead of in hindsight! With natural fertility signals you don’t know exactly when you ovulate until after the fact, when you have a record of fertility signals that you can look back on and pinpoint the end. I mean, slippery, stretchy cervical fluid is a sign of impending ovulation, but if you have the fluid on a certain day, you still don’t know if that’s THE day you will ovulate, because you could have several days of that in a row. The last day of the stretchy cervical fluid is usually pinpointed as the peak fertility day, or day of ovulation. You don’t know what the last day is until after the fact, when you get several days of no cervical fluid after several days of it.

All sorts of questions flood my mind as I ponder Lunaception. Did God give us the gift of the moon, not only to have natural light during some nights, but also to give womankind a way to control ovulation? Did he choose the moon because it is round and beautiful and mysterious, like women are? Is the moon a symbol of the depths of the mysteries of womanhood? So does this mean that if every woman used Lunaception we would only ever have babies born 40 weeks after a full moon, close to another full moon? Could the whole world be on a cycle of lots of births and then no births? Would this give those babies born 40 weeks after a full moon some kind of advantage in life for starting out life in harmony with the moon’s phases? Can a woman control when ovulation is so she can pick the gender of the baby she wants? What exactly are all of the advantages of having your reproductive cycle in harmony with the moon’s cycle? Are you somehow more energetic, able to sleep better, and happier? 

Lots to ponder! If you would like to win a copy of this book, please comment below. The winner will be announced on Thursday November 5.

Thursday morning of our trip to Nauvoo we took the little kids for the oxen ride with Grammi while the teenagers and my 22 year old son went to the Nauvoo temple to do baptisms. 

Here’s my youngest pulling a silly face. I once again enjoyed all the stories that our tour guide told while on the ride. 

We also learned about how awesome oxen are by reading the plaques along the trail next to the oxen ride. I think God designed oxen especially for the Saints to use them to travel west. We learned that oxen are much better than horses for pulling loads. Some of the reasons why are that their feet don’t get stuck in the mud as much and they are not as skittish as horses and more gentle. This made me think of the first Hebrew alphabet letter “aleph.” The ancient pictograph is an ox head, and it symbolizes God’s strength, and the power of God’s strength that we can have in us as we develop virtues. 

Here’s a sample of the Nauvoo Temple sunstones, close to the quarry where the Saints got the rock for the temple. My maternal ancestor Luman Andros Shurtliff tells in his autobiography here how he helped build the temple. He writes:

I had helped lay the foundation of our temple in Nauvoo and now wished to do something more towards the building of it. Accordingly I went to the temple committee and hired them to work on a boat to boat rock, timber and wood. I here got provisions to keep my family alive and that was all I expected. The committee did the best they could but they had nothing better in their hands to give us. We labored ten hours a day, and got something to take to our families for supper and breakfast. Many times we got nothing; at other times we got a half pound of butter or three pounds of fish, beef, and nothing to cook it with. Sometimes we got a peck of cornmeal or a few records of flour and before any more provisions would come into the office, the hands that worked steadily would sometimes be entirely out of provisions and have to live on herbs, boiled, without any seasoning except salt, or on parched corn or anything we could get to sustain us. I had some milk from my cows and by putting it half water and, if we could get corn or meal, we could live well for these times. For breakfast we would eat a little of this mush and then take a pint of milk in a bottle and some mush in a cup for dinner, go to the boat at six and at noon eat dinner and thank God that I and my family were thus blessed. And often I worked until dark before I could get home. Then if our cows did not come home, we had to take our mush alone and thank God that we were thus blessed.

The reader may think the above-mentioned scarcity of provisions was confined to my family. Not so; my family was as well off as the majority of my neighbors. I have seen those that cut stone by the year eat nothing but parched or browned corn for breakfast and take some in their pockets for their dinner and go to work singing the songs of Zion. I mention this not to find fault or to complain, but to let my children know how the temple of Nauvoo was built, and how their parents as well as hundreds of others suffered to lay a foundation on which they could build and be accepted of God.

These statues of Joseph Smith and his brother Hyrum Smith are across the street, facing the rebuilt Nauvoo Temple. You can faintly see the Mississippi River in the background. Beautiful!

If you’ve ever shopped for lotion and wondered how to find one that is totally toxic-free, you know how frustrating that can be! I’ve often resorted to using pure coconut oil, but if you don’t want to smell like an Almond Joy, you might want to learn this technique. It uses three ingredients, and you could always add essential oils to change the aromas.