Here are three great natural ideas for whitening teeth from Cara over at healthhomehappiness.com. According to Heather of mommypotamus.com, the artificial whiteners are bad for your teeth. So it’s better if you find a natural solution. I had heard of two of these already but one was new. With anything, it’s consistency that counts. Do all three every day and after a month I hope your mouth looks more amazing than the results of artificial whiteners. Who’s going to do all three with me, every day, for 28 days? Hmmm…maybe this is my new Girl Goal!

I am passing on two wise blog posts from one of my Veggie Gal friends, Jonell. She blogs over at myyeasttreatment.com. (Her web site is super awesome if you struggle with any kind of chronic yeast infection.) This picture above shows her in the yellow top, at our last Veggie Gals gathering. It was at her home before she left us for Oregon. Oh Jonell, we miss you! But fortunately we get to hear her sparks of inspiration regularly because of her blog.

The first blog post to share with you is an amazing technique to use whenever you have negative emotions, so you can tune in with the atoning love and power of Jesus Christ. She calls it the “picnic blanket visualization.”

The second blog post is of a super timely nature. It’s about why this Sunday September 13 is so special. Did you know that this Sunday is the last day of the Jewish Year, and the last day of the Sabbath Year, or Shemitah. The Sabbath Year is one year out of of every seven years, as called for in Moses’ day in the Bible. This was the year when debts were to be forgiven. Do you realize that seven years ago at the end of a Sabbath year, we had Sept. 29, 2008, the beginning of our current recession? And that seven years before that we had 9/11? What is coming up next?

As Jonell says,

What I’m trying to say is that God is real. His promises are sure. I’m not saying He has to bring down judgement, or that He will this Shemitah. I’m just saying that if it rolls as He’s arranged it in the past, we could see economic setback within the week that we’ll remember for some time to come.

Follow the prophet, and your own common sense. Don’t wait. Do what it takes to have a “reserve supply on hand.”

So here’s Chapter 6, Part #1: Emma’s Letter #6 of my novel Dates with God. We see Emma recognize a chemical shift as it happens. She has a fight with her husband, sparked by her home teacher, but discovers for the first time how to deal with the aftermath so that she doesn’t have insomnia. We also see her discover wisdom from John Adams as applied to marriage, and acknowledges her battles with her husband, kids, body image, and self-worth. She finds out that Betsey Ten Boom used drills in The Hiding Place, and she learns of a dark secret from her husband’s past, which gives her compassion that completely changes her perspective on his “laziness.” If you want background for the story, please read Like Dragons Did They Fight (free on Kindle!) and take my Mothers Who Know Class.

Emma Week #6

Dear God,

 

Wow, am I getting better at noticing chemical shifts. I noticed a chemical shift inside me and recognized it and was able to interrupt a would-be fight with Clark. Wow, this is a first time I’ve noticed a chemical shift before a marital fight. It seems like everyone in my class argues with their husbands, except for Kate. Both Jill and Lauren talk about it and get off on tangents a little and then the mentor reigns them in.

 

Well, when I noticed this shift, for the first time EVER I didn’t get sucked in. I remembered something I read on Maurice’s blog*, a little twist on the scripture, “If you receive not the Spirit, you can not teach.” (D&C 42:17) The twist is “If you aren’t feeling the Spirit [especially if the other person is being mean, rude, or prideful], don’t speak.” That’s because the other person is stoned, and talking won’t help. The shift helped me realize that I wasn’t feeling the Spirit and should not speak or things would escalate. So I excused myself and walked away. I saw my Girl Power journal, and started writing. I asked myself all the 6 questions in the Captain’s Log. I felt my heart racing and my mind whirling. Clark was already stoned, that’s why the Spirit was not in the room. That is why it was fruitless for me to say anything. I was definitely on the verge of being stoned.

 

I just wrote and wrote, all the questions in the Captain’s Log and all of my answers. Then I wrote about what happened and how I won a battle by walking away. When I was done I went to bed. But I just lay there, wide awake. I kept thinking of all the things Clark had said, and all the things I wanted to say back to him and would have if he hadn’t been stoned. I decided it was better to go do something productive than lie there so I got out of bed. I remembered that novel my friends have been suggesting that I write. The one I always say I don’t have time for. The novel that will make Jane Austen jealous! This was my chance! I found an empty notebook from where I keep my stash and started a basic plot outline, then a chart of the characters, the theme, the setting, and a dozen startlingly clever metaphors and similes. Gradually, I felt my body relax and I started to nod off as I was writing. Success! My mind and body had sufficiently been unwinding so that I could slide into sleep. So then I knew I could go to bed insomnia free. I slipped into bed with a smile on my face. That was the best sleep I’ve had in a long time. The night after a potential fight, if you can believe it!

 

The fight was about his lack of making $. There’s a big story behind it. One of our home teachers asked us out to dinner with his wife a few days ago. During the course of the meal, he mentioned he had been to southern Utah and done business with some polygamists. So then we had this huge conversation about them. The usual remarks were made whenever this topic comes up with Clark: their unusual dress, including long sleeves and dresses, even in the 120 degree heat, the uniform swept-up bangs of the women, and the fact that Clark had a roommate at BYU whose sister married one, because her roommate’s dad got the hots for her. I surprised everyone by saying that maybe polygamy wasn’t such a bad idea because as a mom I would love to have more helping hands of adult women in the house. I wondered aloud how these men are able to support more than one wife and so many children. Then Clark said, “Oh, they’re hard workers.” I was dumbfounded. For months I have encouraged him to work hard at his own consulting business and then he’ll succeed.  He does have an MBA, so he knows something about business. If he makes it work, he won’t need to find a job because he will have created his own salary. He’s always made excuses or said there’s more to success than hard work. Now here he was claiming that that’s how a man can support not just one family, but many, by hard work. It totally bugged me that he was being hypocritical and so clueless about it.

 

Later that night I called him on it. I reminded him of what he said. Then I asked him if he truly believes it. He said yes. Then I let out the zinger. Looking back, I probably should not have done it. Kate, our resident expert of the classical womanly arts, would definitely not approve of what I said as wifely.  This is what I said: “Why don’t you follow your own advice and work hard too? Then your consulting business would provide for us, and we wouldn’t be living off someone else’s money.” He got really mad and starting back-pedaling, giving some lame excuse about how “Well, there’s really more to making money than working hard. You have to have the right connections and the lucky breaks.” I just sat there staring at him and then walked away. Looking back, I realize that I felt a slight chemical shift of anger and frustration before I let out the zinger but I chose to let it out anyway. Oops. Maybe I need to have a Girl Goal about only communicating positively to my husband. Sometimes I have so many negative things to say to him but there’s probably a more positive way I can say it. Also maybe a more positive time to say it, when I am not already feeling the satanic spin. I guess it’s one step forward and two steps back in my life.

When I started having kids by adopting them, I really wanted to do it right.  I totally felt this intense desire to love them and foster their happiness in the best way possible. I was determined not to repeat the abusive cycle handed to me from my parents. I threw myself into attachment parenting and mindful discipline and the right nutrition for kids. I even breastfed my adopted babies and did elimination communication. It actually has been very healing for me to love them the way I wanted to be loved. I’m always wanting to be with them all the time and give them all the things I never had, to the point I have to be careful not to give them too much. It hit me the other day, that I have become like those moms in my Grandma’s ward, whose lives seemed boring and predictably perfect with all their perfectly cute groomed kids on Sundays, sitting in a row. Little did I know that even a life that seems cute and normal on the outside can hide all sorts of battles, and battle scars, with satan. I constantly battle satan over getting my kids to be less self-centered and more hard-working. I constantly battle satan over being angry with my husband. I constantly battle satan over my body image and self-worth. Those moms probably did too.

 

Of course, the princess theme craze doesn’t help. I have to begrudgingly admit that the Princess theme has invaded my house with my four little girls. I never thought I would be into this stuff when I was a kid. A month ago my daughters and I went to a party with a princess theme, and it really got me thinking of how most girls love the princess theme, because they inwardly know they are daughters of a king. So many little girls I know are captivated by the princess idea. My girls even talked me into going to a Princess Convention. I came away so put off by it. I saw way too many bratty little girls, throwing fits and acting entitled to have every silly little trinket at every booth. There was too much emphasis on entitlement, vanity, and indulgence. It just felt so shallow. Yes, I want my girls to be beautiful. I also want my girls to be imaginative, kind, generous, magnanimous and gracious like a true princess and not be self-centered. I want them to realize that princesses and queens are there to serve the subjects of their kingdoms, not to be worshiped. I have been reading The Hiding Place. Corrie and her sisters are the kind of women I want my daughters to grow up to be like. I would much rather have my daughters emulate Corrie and Betsy ten Boom than any Disney princess.

 

I’ve decided to do a princess/royalty study in the scriptures and see what Thou has to tell me to teach to my little girls about true princesses as part of our homeschooling. This is going to be fun! I am hoping it takes my mind off my situation with Clark. I have been studying the Lost Classical Womanly Arts book and asking Kate questions. I am just letting it all percolate inside me more before I attempt another womanly campaign.

 

A cool thing I noticed in The Hiding Place is that they actually do drills in there. Corrie’s family, the ten Booms knew that it was entirely possible for the authorities to show up and start searching the home for Jews. So they anticipated that coming and started practicing what they would do when they come. One of them would ring the buzzer and then they would all run as fast as they could to their hiding places. They would time themselves and see if they could get faster and faster. I’ve always admired Corrie Ten Boom. If she felt like drills were needed in her life to be safe from the enemy, I am more than sure that I need them in my life to be safe from Public Enemy Number One. So I’ve been thinking about what I might do for my drill.

 

I am so grateful for this class. I thank Thee for leading me to it.

 

Something happened the other day that totally felt like a bomb was dropped in my lap. At the end of that party that Clark’s mom had for his birthday, she gave me a box full of his old school papers and stuff. I found this journal he had to keep at school in sixth grade that I pored over one quiet afternoon when the older kids were at a birthday party and the little ones were napping. I was shocked at what was in there. He was challenged to fight a boy when he was 12. Not surprisingly to me, he didn’t want to so he ran home and hid in the garage. His older brother told their dad about it, so the dad dragged him out and told Clark he had to fight the boy or he would get a beating from his dad. Clark ended up fighting the boy and got a broken arm, bloody nose, and black eye. I was dumbfounded that my father-in-law would insist that he fight. I mean, I never had a dad who was fully functional, and I am not a boy, but this doesn’t sound right for a normal, healthy dad, to treat his son like that. I got teary-eyed when I read the pages. As I read more and more, it just got worse. I found a string of abuses that happened to Clark, mostly from older boys in his neighborhood. I then remembered how Clark had brought home a magazine from work, about two months ago, and left it in the master bathroom open to an article about child sexual abuse. He never said a word, but the things I read in his journal matched what I had read in the article. I don’t want to go into details, it’s too sad. I’m praying to Thee to help me know the right time to bring it up to him. I think he needs counseling.

 

A light started dawning in my mind to help me just catch a glimpse that Clark has a whole life behind him before we got married that I know very little about. Maybe this history of abuse is partly why he doesn’t act the way I want him to. Who knows what other hurts he has bottled up inside of him that haven’t healed? Trauma can definitely interfere with ambition. After reading all of it it makes me think it’s pretty amazing that he has led a fairly functional life up until his unemployment. It makes me realize how important it is for me, even more than I believed before, to create a Christ-centered home and family life. I want to be a happy, supportive wife, who gets out of the way between Christ and Clark so that Christ can work on Clark’s heart.

 

I want a home that is a peaceful, bright, and cheerful refuge, no matter how poor I am, so that Clark can feel the Spirit of Christ and start the healing process. I know I’ve thought about divorce, but now I see clearly more than ever that that is satan putting those thoughts in my head. Clark needs the home and marriage I can make for him, and I need the providing he can do for me, especially after he heals, so I can be the stay-at-home mother that I want to be. I have hope for that! I am not falling for the fiery darts of lies satan throws at me! I am creating a home that is what Elder Richard G. Scott described in his April 2013 General Conference talk. He said, “One of the greatest blessings we can offer to the world is the power of a Christ-centered home where the gospel is taught, covenants are kept, and love abounds.”

 

I heard a line in the John Adams miniseries on DVD that has been helping me. I’ve been rekindling my love affair for good, classic movies that teach history and principles. Watching these movies at home on our laptop in our bedroom makes for a cheap date night. So I’ve been watching the miniseries on John Adams, every night with Clark after the kids are in bed. (I did end up writing a disclaimer that on date nights, I don’t have to have lights out at 10:30.) There’s a principle of marriage that John acknowledges when John and Abigail are reunited in Paris after a long separation because of John’s diplomatic work in France. Not only were they separated physically by an ocean, but John interrupted their long postal letter correspondence, so they had been emotionally separated. When they are back together in France, Abigail asks why he stopped writing letters to her and says that she has harsh words for him. Then John replies that it was because he felt too burdened with all of his problems and didn’t want to burden her. He tells her, “No man wants to appear a fool before his wife.” Then he asks her to forgive him and open her heart to him again. He tells her, “Without you to steady me, without you I dismiss my god, I grow weak, and vain.” I love the humility in that. I wonder if Clark would ever say that to me. Maybe he would like to, but it hasn’t been easy for him to do so because I have been so uptight and stressed about the finances.

 

So I’ve been thinking about John’s words. It seems like Clark is acting like a fool, but maybe it doesn’t look like that to him. Maybe he’s dealing with life the best way he knows how, with the burdens he has. So I ask Thee God to please help me know how to help him have an open heart for healing. I ask Thee to please help me to take upon Thy yoke that my burdens might be light. I want to shine and be a light for Clark so he will cast his burdens on Thee.

 

Love,

Emma

copyright 2015 Celestia Shumway

Have you heard of Dr. Sarah Ballantyne, the Paleomom? I just discovered her and I am excited to learn everything from her web site, books, and podcasts. In the above video she shares a recipe for a grain-free tortilla using cassava flour.

Why would anybody want to eat a paleo diet? Sarah explains in the video below, about how the paleo diet can help with autoimmune disorders. She is certainly qualified to explain the science of it, as she has bachelor’s and doctorate degrees in science. She also has personal experience in healing her own autoimmune disorders from changing to a paleo diet. She says that within two weeks of starting her paleo diet she was able to stop taking all 6 prescriptions for her autoimmune diseases. Wow! She was morbidly obese when she had her first baby, but then lost 125 pounds by going paleo. Paleo might not be for everyone, but if you have autoimmune problems, it is worth a try!

When I was a younger mom, I loved going to La Leche League International Conferences. I had some great trips to Orlando, Washington D.C., and Chicago, as a La Leche League Leader, usually with a nursling in tow. I got to have a break from the daily grind, meet other nursing moms from around the world, find unique gifts (have you ever seen a doll that give birth and breastfeed? I got one at one of these conferences!) and hear world renowned speakers who are experts on breastfeeding and parenting, like Dr. Sears. I learned so many wonderful ideas to help me be a better mom and I always left the conferences feeling recharged and renewed.

Times have changed and LLL no longer offers these conferences. So I was excited to hear that some women have put together an online alternative, called iMothering.com. Every month, this website features two speakers in mp3 format, that you can listen to for free. You don’t have to pay for airfare, hotel costs, or conference registration fees. What a great idea!

For September, you can hear these two speakers by clicking on this link and scrolling down the page:

• Linda J. Smith, one of the authors of the book pictured below, talk about how to have “sweet sleep” with a baby. 

• Dr. Jennifer Margulis, an investigative journalist and travel, parenting and culture author. She is the author of the book pictured below.

Enjoy!

Last year my two “love of learning phase” (9 and 11 years old) kids focused on listening to The Story of the World audio CDs when they did the breakfast dishes every morning and lunch dishes in the afternoons. Then I would quiz them about what they read using the chapter review questions in the Story of the World Activity Books during dinner dishes. This year I am hoping to focus more on American history. Here are the resources I am going to use with them. I am so excited!

I got to wondering the other day if there was a good audio version of American history in story form. I found the above

book on audio, called This Country of Ours. It was written by a Brit, Henrietta Marshall, in the early 1900s. As I’ve listened to it I don’t agree with everything she says. For instance, she says that the Louisiana Purchase was the greatest event in American history. I learned by listening to Tom Woods that the Purchase was actually unconstitutional. So to temper all of this “Anglo-American empire-building” perspective of Ms. Marshall I am going to keep listening to Tom’s American History course for adults over at libertyclassroom.com so I can share that perspective with my kids in kid language. Anyway, Ms. Marshall’s history is an adequate basic history for kids in story form, as long as you moderate it with a libertarian perspective. I suggest that you as the homeschool mom/teacher sign up for libertyclassroom.com so you can listen on your own and share the perspective, in a way kids will understand, as you hear the statist ideas come up in This Country of Ours. I have posted more of the chapters here, as well as a link to the print book online. The book has seven parts, and each part has several chapters.

We are going to listen to this every morning, then I am going to get them the following living books from the library. After they read them, I will have them narrate back what they read and type it up for their binders.

I think I will buy this book above and keep it on the coffee table in the living room to encourage browsing.

We are also going to watch American Ride episodes on byutv.

Then I will encourage the reading of these books for homeschool time, independent reading, and bedtime stories. I’ve put them in approximate historical order. Since some of them are historical fiction we will talk about the difference between fiction and nonfiction.

The above book is more for me to read aloud to them during the clean up of dinner dishes, and for me to read on my own and then share with them.

I think my daughter has already read the Kaya American Girl chapter books, but I don’t think she’s looked at the above book.

Again, the Genevieve Foster books are more for me to read and share snippets from. I don’t see my kids reading them on their own.

We actually listened to the above one on CD during our trip to Nauvoo. The 6 year old hasn’t seen the movie yet so I’m going to get the movie for him.

My daughter likes to do crafts, the boys, not so much, unless it involves weapons. I plan on getting the American Girl craft books for each time period to inspire ideas, at least in my daughter.

For an LDS perspective on the Revolutionary War, I’m going to get Ron Carter’s Prelude to Glory series on audio from the library and see if the kids enjoy them.

Note: these books are more for adults, not kids. I read Vol. 1 aloud to my children and they didn’t enjoy it very much.

These books take us up to the early to mid 1800s. I want to get as many as I can on audio from the library.

So far everything I’ve posted you can get from your library or through inter-library loan (That’s a system where you talk to the librarians at your local library and request to get a book that is not there, but that they can request to have shipped from other libraries from all over the country. The librarian will give a you a form to fill out, and then within a week or two, you will get the book and pay a small fee, like $1 to $3 to pay for shipping. You have to return the book within one month or so to the local library, and it will be shipped back to the original library.). So that’s the free part. Now if you want to jazz up the curriculum with games and coloring books, here are some that look intriguing:

This is a board game to teach how American colonists traded goods. Has anybody played it? It looks colorful and fun. i think we might get it.

Then there are some games to teach about the Constitution.

The above board game is called Constitution Quest Game.

This one is called We the People Fight Tyranny. It has you apply Constitutional principles to current issues. I can’t wait to play it!

We have the Professor Noggins set of American Revolution cards. This year I want to get the ones for all of U.S. History. If you want to add more crafts and fun, then get the American Girl “Welcome to _______ World” books, paper dolls, cookbooks, and craft books, with the name of the girl, Kaya, Felicity, Kirsten, etc. according to the time period you are studying.

Here are some cute coloring books, if your kids are into that:

You can also get these charming Draw Write Now books, the ones that feature American history. They are great for giving ideas for kids’ commonplace books or binders on what to draw and write.

Then Dover has coloring books about American history:

I also want to add in the CDs from storyteller Jim Weiss on American history here (scroll down to find the American history stories), and use the CDs from Diana Waring, according to the plan here (the abbreviation in the article, “RRR” stands for Diana’s CD called Romans, Reformers, and Revolutionaries). Diana is an awesome storyteller with a knack for connecting history to the hand of God.

Teaching U.S. history to younger kids doesn’t have to be boring! Don’t lecture, just have them listen to stories while they are working, playing with Legos, or doing handiwork. Then play games with them! Fun, fun, fun! You could also add in movies like Pocahontas, Johnny Tremain, and Monumental.

On another day I will post resources for the rest of the 1800s, as Part 2.

Here is an easy to listen to audiobook of American history you can use in your homeschooling! Listen in the car while you are driving the kids to classes or when doing housework. I passed the AP American History test in high school, but I’ve learned things I never knew before by listening to this. I’ve posted the first few chapters here, you can go find the rest on youtube.

Here is the print copy of the book, free on gutenberg.org

Chapter 2: The Sea of Darkness and the Faith of Columbus

Chapter 3: 

How Columbus Fared Forth upon the Sea of Darkness and Came to Pleasant Lands Beyond

Chapter 5: How Columbus returned in triumph.

Here is the youtube page with all of the parts, as far as I can tell.

Here’s Chapter 5, Part 4: Jill’s Letter #5, from my new novel Dates With God: How Four Mormon Women Beat Satan With the Book of Mormon. In today’s segment, Jill figures out how sneaky satan talks to her in her head. She gets disappointed by her husband’s insensitivity and tunes in to the what the different levels of the Chemical Scale feel like for her. Dark bath towels, dog hair, glue on the carpet, all conspire to get her to lose her battle with getting dinner on the table on time by escaping to Facebook. If you want more background information read, the 5 star book Like Dragons Did They Fight and come take the Mothers Who Know class.

Jill’s Letter #5

 

Dear God,

 

I didn’t finish my Lost Battle Analysis yesterday, as you can tell, or my letter. I got interrupted by one of the kids and never came back to my journal writing until today. Such is life with kids, #lifewithkidsislikebeingachickenwithyourheadcutoff. Having this interruption actually gave me time to think about when the last time it was that I felt at a Level 0.

 

I was going to write that I had my 40th birthday yesterday. I was hoping that Rob would throw me a big surprise party like I did for him when he turned 40, where I invited all of our friends and family and neighbors. We had a big barbecue with all of the fixings.  I went all out with decorations and music and dancing with his favorite playlist. I even had a magician come. Everyone had a blast and the neighbors still talk about it. I was looking forward to something similar for me. Only I didn’t want to say anything to him because I wanted him to surprise me. If I told him I wanted one, it wouldn’t be a surprise. All he did was take me out for dinner. That was it. Blah. I was disappointed to say the least. During the day, I felt at a Level 0 all day as I anticipated something special. When we got our orders delivered by the waitress at the restaurant, and I decided nobody was going to jump out yelling “Surprise!” to join us for a big bash at the restaurant, I started to feel the chemical spill of feeling slighted, in a wounded, deflated way. That was Friday.

 

So over the next few days the build-up of negative feelings occurred. I started to have all these feelings of disappointment, anger, not being loved and appreciated enough as a wife. He had another blow-up at me and the kids. I started hearing a voice of “You would have been so much happier if you had married Derrick. He would have given you a surprise party. He would never do the stuff Rob does. He wouldn’t yell at the kids. You wouldn’t ever feel like he lacks in the husband and dad departments.” I heard that over and over. So that’s when I was feeling Level 2, the buildup of the negative feelings for sure.

 

Then on Tuesday night as I was walking through the family room, I bent down to pick up a piece of paper on the floor. It was stuck, glued to the floor! Turns out that Luke had spilled some glue and decided that the best way to deal with it was to cover it up! Aack!!!! I definitely felt this huge swelling, raging gush of anger and frustration that I have kids who can be so dumb. Why didn’t he just come to me and ask for help to clean it up before it dried? Am I that much of mean scary mom that he thought he couldn’t tell me? Back to a new Level 1 of a new chemical spill of anger, which was added to all of the other negative feelings that had been building up.

 

All of these feelings continued to build and I found myself firmly mired in more Level 2. That weekend Rob and I got to leave the kids at his mom’s for Friday and Saturday night while we went to Colorado for his cousin’s wedding. One of his other cousins hosted us. I admit I am not the best housekeeper like  my meticulous mother was, but my house is not gross. Just messy. And I always clean up when I have company coming! But this place was disgusting. Piles of junk and dog hair everywhere. The worst was the bath towels that Rob’s cousin’s wife gave us. They were dark brown. They smelled funny and I could not tell if they were clean! One thing my mom always told me was to make sure you have a bunch of white towels because you can always tell when they are clean. She taught me that that’s what 5 star hotels do. She drilled into me that dark towels don’t always look clean, no matter how much you wash them. And she always said to have bath sheets for shower towels. The towels we had at this cousin’s were puny. Then the bar of soap was so little that I could not wash my hands properly. I finally asked Laura for a new bar of soap. We left that place not really feeling clean. As soon as we got home Sunday night we both took a shower with lots of soap.

 

So I was definitely still at Level 2, with feelings of disappointment, hurt, anger, frustration, disgust and criticism, when I went shopping Monday morning. I think when I saw Cami, I started to have more Level 2. I had all of these fears come to me like, “she’s going to ask about your birthday last week and what did you do. You’re going to be embarrassed when you say something lame like just going out to dinner. Then she’s going to ask about Rob and how he’s doing and what does he do for work these days. Then she will say something about her plastic surgeon husband and how he makes all of this money and they can go on all these fun trips and you will feel like a loser that you didn’t marry a smarter, more achieving husband who could be a doctor. You can’t let her see you.”

 

It’s all coming back to me now. I remember now! I had Level 4 stupid conversations on the drive home of “you should go home and look at those selfies on Facebook that Derrick commented on, saying how gorgeous you are. You should also go put up more impressive stuff in case Cami ever looks at your page.” So when I got home, I headed straight to the computer and did all that stuff I already wrote about. When I got home, it was after 4 PM. I knew from experience that I should start dinner at 4 if I want to serve dinner by 5:30, because of all the interruptions I get from the kids. But when I got home, I was so tired of doing everything for everyone else all day. I had done enough duty, it was time for a break. That’s what I heard in my head. I told myself that it would just take 5 minutes to change my Facebook profile and cover photos.

 

As I write this, I am remembering more of the Level 4 stupid conversation. That’s the power of writing!   I’m going to write whenever I feel the “I don’t know” moments because when I start writing, I can see that Thou sees that I am serious and Thou starts opening up my mind to remember more and learn more. It’s like I get a download from Thee whenever I write. It’s like Thou art up there watching and when Thou sees me with a pen and paper, Thou decides, “OK, she’s serious about knowing more so I am going to give it to her.” OK, so here’s more of the stupid conversation I was hearing. Every time I went to do something different on the computer, I felt a little prompting to get off and get into the kitchen. I told myself, “I know, but there’s this other thing. Just do one more thing…” I realize now that if I had started dinner when I got home, when I first got home, I would have had dinner in the oven when Taylor came to me. I could have had one of the older kids take it out of the oven when I was gone. Then I would not have even had the temptation to pick up dinner on the way home. So that was my “when and where” of Level 4.

 

I know I put my phone next to me with a timer but I had forgotten that I had the phone on silent from the day before when we were traveling and I was driving. I didn’t want any ringing waking up Rob because we had agreed to drive in shifts and he would let me drive when the baby was awake so I could sleep when the baby was sleeping. So I never heard the phone die and I didn’t hear any alarms before it died.

 

So I am learning that satan puts thoughts in my head, that’s what Level 3 is. And I realize too of course that I have my own thoughts. I realize now how fleeting the Level 3 is. Those thoughts of the Level 3 are so subtle and quick. They are like flashes. The “thoughts” that I thought were mine, are really satan’s whisperings. They happen so fast. It is hard to notice them in the moments of envy and fear and stress that I was feeling. Of course he knows that, that’s why he does it then. I can see how that’s the whole idea. Satan puts them there when he knows we are most susceptible to them because of the build-up of negative feelings. That dirty low-life pondscum! I am not going to fall for it any more! I am wondering how to prepare myself more so I can better notice Level 2 and 3 in the heat of the moment. Hmmm…

Last night at class Lauren dominated. Again! I love the girl but she can be so irritating. She acts like she is some kind of Oprah, where she can just spout something off on her soapbox and everyone will instantly latch on and do whatever she is endorsing. One of these days I just want to casually bring up how I love epidurals for childbirth just to see what her reaction will be! LOL! I will definitely see some fireworks there. She expects everyone to do things her way. One of the ladies had a lost battle that involved a fight with her husband. So she was asking herself about how to prevent one next time. Kate has a great marriage, which has become obvious to everyone, so the facilitator steered the conversation away from Lauren, whose marriage obviously isn’t so hot, over to Kate. The facilitator asked her what makes it so great. So then Kate mentioned this book, Lost Classical Womanly Arts. Then Lauren butted in with her big mouth. She went on and on about how that book is so outdated and anti-feminist and awful. Then Kate said something about how one of the main points of the book is to make your man #1 in your life. She said that part of that is that you never try to change your husband.

 

Lauren then shot her down by rudely disagreeing with the whole concept. She cackled and rolled her eyes. She said that men often need to be told what to do because they are such fools when it comes to household and kid stuff. Then she launched into all of these stories of mistakes her husband made. One of them was actually funny, but she talked about her husband so disrespectfully that I couldn’t laugh. One of the stories was that she asked her husband to give her first baby a bath when she went grocery shopping. When she came home she found that he had given him a bath with baby wipes. (I’m sure at Lauren’s house they were organic, all nontoxic, and cruelty-free). Then she told this story of a time she asked her husband to watch the kids while she attended a birth. When she came back, she found that he had served cake for dinner. It wasn’t just any cake, it was the cake she had just bought at Costco for a baby shower she was hosting the next day. She was so mad when she came home! She went into step-by-step detail about his lame excuse. The cake was for a baby boy shower so it looked guy-ish with masculine colors and nothing on it that indicated it was for a baby shower. Since Father’s Day was that Sunday he figured it was for him and he could do what he wanted with it, by taking a little off the side. The way she was telling it was so hilarious even I was laughing but later I felt kind of sad that so many times when we get together at this class the conversation turns to a husband-bashing fest. I feel really sad about Lauren’s husband. She talks about him like he’s not ever smart or capable. After she left, for her Tai chi class. I started talking with one of the girls, Tiffany, in the class about Lauren’s husband.

 

Tiffany said that Lauren’s husband, James, is a great guy. She has been to parties with them because they have a lot of the same friends. She pointed out that James never looks adoringly at his wife like she has seen other husbands look at their wives. “So he made those mistakes, but she doesn’t have to broadcast them. He didn’t make them maliciously. He is a nice guy. He loves her and treats her well. He works hard to provide for his wife and kids and she doesn’t give him credit for that,” she said. She also told me that she had been in a book club with Lauren where they had discussed the  Lost Classical Womanly Arts book. Lauren had vehemently opposed the book and scoffed at the idea of making your husband #1. But one of the women there, she said, had a husband rave about how great his wife is and how much he loves to do things for her. When he went out of the room the woman told us that she had learned about the book when she was single from her aunt. She had put it into practice and said it had helped her marriage since day one. When he came back in he continued to rave about her and said he now knew what her secrets were and he loved that she did them.

 

I know my marriage is in trouble. I look at all the marriages I know, including the ladies in this class. I have to say, it sounds like Kate’s is the most fabulous. I’d rather have Kate’s marriage than Lauren’s or Emma’s any day. Maybe there’s something to that book. I am going to get it and see.

 

I found a scripture that I actually like and it supports all of my crafting! It’s in Mosiah 10:5 and it says that handiwork came before prosperity for the Nephites.   It mentions that the women toiled and spun, and thus they prospered in the land and had “continual peace.” Maybe they would have had those two blessings anyway, but I don’t know because the word “thus” comes after the phrase “And I did cause that the women should spin, and toil, and work…” Dear Father, that is what I want! Prosperity and continual peace! I want peace with my husband and prosperity of all things good: love, fun, family, friends, and finances. I am asking Thee to please help me to know how to fight for these things. It sounds like Thee just gave me an answer: keep working on my crafting/handiwork, as long as I keep up with my Girl Goals and Power Actions. Hooray! I have an excuse for all of my crafting/handiwork.

 

It occurred to me the other day that Thou art the greatest at handiwork as evidenced by all of Thine creations.  I am going to study scriptures involving the word “handiwork” or “hands.” I am going to look for examples where I see handiwork being created and see more what Thou has to say about it.

 

Love,

Jill

 

Here’s Chapter 5, Part 3: Lauren’s Letter #5, from my new novel Dates With God: How Four Mormon Women Beat Satan With the Book of Mormon. In this part,we see polished, perfectly professional Lauren humbled by a freak, embarrassing accident which gives her a chance to see her husband as her knight in shining armor. We also see her feeling hopeless about her son, which gives her impetus to think about her other children and what she is doing to nourish them spiritually. She makes a major change in her family’s routine.  If you want more background information read, the 5 star book Like Dragons Did They Fight by Maurice Harker and Lucas Reynolds, and come take the Mothers Who Know class.

Lauren’s Week #5

Dear God,

 

I know, I know being on the computer has been my life outside of midwifery. It actually was a huge part of me growing my doula and then my midwifery practice. People in my local area would read my blog and were immediately attracted to me so I got a ton of business that way. I could not have grown my midwifery practice, childbirth support group, and my breastfeeding aids business without it. But in a way, I hate feeling so sucked in and disconnected from my family. But I love the feeling I get from sharing insights, helping people, and fighting for what is healthy and empowering for women online. I love educating about the importance of natural birth, particularly home birth, and breastfeeding. But…I hate this! I hate having to acknowledge that I have a choice before me, a choice I can’t run away from.

 

I actually read a scripture that resonates with this idea. It’s in Alma 41 verse 7. It is talking about how as children of God we get to be redeemed of the Lord, redeemed from the darkness of death and that we will be judged. The phrase in that verse “they are their own judges” caught my eye. I realized that God expects us to judge ourselves. We hear all the time about how God wants us to be self-governing and self-reliant. But we don’t hear much about God wanting us to be self-judging. But that is just as important. Not only does he want us to be our own rulers, but he expects us to be our own judges. Sometimes I feel this voice that says, don’t worry about it, don’t choose a side.  Just wait, sit back, and relax. Now I realize, “Hey, that’s satan talking! He’s saying, don’t judge and then you don’t have to make a choice.” But if I am really going to be honest, I have to judge myself and decide whether or not I met my goals for the day. Judging is not a bad thing if done righteously.

 

I did a scripture study about judging. I have found I pay attention a lot more in my scripture study when I study the scriptures by topic and not just chapter after chapter. I used to hear my whole life. “Don’t judge. Don’t judge.” But…I actually found that Joseph Smith translated the scripture of Matthew 7:1 this way: “Judge not unrighteously, that ye be not judged: but judge righteous judgment.” So we are to judge, as long as we do it righteously. The place my judgment starts is with me and my goals. I have to be honest in my judging as to whether or not I met my goal. And be OK with not meeting it and forgive myself and realize that as long as I am learning, it’s OK to fail and not get a “perfect day.”

 

I’ve been thinking a lot about the Stony Pool Story that was told in class. It’s about a guy who goes to the beach. He sees the sign to avoid the tidepool because of the danger of the waves pushing people against the rocks if they are swimming in the tidepool. So he stays away and then he lies down on the beach and falls asleep. While he’s asleep he unknowingly gets drugged by an enemy who quietly sneaks up on him. Then when he wakes up he walks over to the tide pool and walks in because he can’t think straight because he is drugged. The enemy is obviously satan, and we are like the guy who falls asleep and gets drugged. The tidepool symbolizes the whirlpool of addiction.

 

So according to the philosophy of this class, mortal life is akin to being put on a battlefield blindfolded so that we can’t see the attack, but when we get attacked by the enemy he is so subtle that we think the attack came from ourselves. I hate that! It is sooo out of our control! But suppose I just decided to believe that this actually happens. Suppose I suspend my inability to figure this out at the moment. Could I have activities in my life that allow me to “fall asleep on the beach”? I think so.

 

So what activities can I eliminate so that I don’t fall asleep and make it super easy for the enemy to sneak up on me and drug me?

 

I hate to say it but maybe for me I need to severely limit my Internet time. Like only do it for 1 hour a day. Also I am thinking I need to have a checklist of to-do’s, a plan for what I am going to do on the Internet, and then keep it right by me and check things off. Emma was sharing this idea in class and I really like it.

 

I know, I know, being on the computer has been such a huge part of my life, as I wrote earlier, for all of my organizations. But I see how as I have turned to the computer first thing in the morning, it has not been the best priority for me. In a way I hate feeling so sucked in and disconnected from my family, especially my son. My mommy guilt has kicked in and I think, maybe this is why Logan got his porn addiction. He saw me on the computer first thing in the morning, when he left for school, and then when he got home from school. I’ve also had the guilt, If only I had homeschooled him, this wouldn’t have happened. Thank goodness though, I’ve talked to plenty of my homeschooling friends and they all say they know plenty of homeschoolers with porn addictions as well. It’s rampant everywhere! No group or family is immune. I really don’t want to give up my Internet use! I love the feeling I get from sharing insights and facts online to help people. I love fighting to empower women with natural birth. I love educating women about the importance of natural birth, home birth, and breastfeeding. But…I hate this! I hate feeling forced to make a choice. Can’t I just pretend like everything in my life is great and keep using the Internet as much as I want?

 

Lately for my scripture reading I have been praying right before I read, asking Thee to lead me to a scripture that will best help me for the day. Then I just open up to a random page and start reading. Yesterday I read 3 Nephi 7:18. That verse hit me with great force. It says, “And it came to pass that they were angry with him, even because he had greater power than they, for it were not possible that they could disbelieve his words, for so great was his faith on the Lord Jesus Christ that angels did minister unto him daily.”

 

During this time the Nephite people were so warring that they destroyed the government and replaced it with tribes. I wonder if that could happen or will happen in these last days. I admire Nephi for being so bold as to step forth during this time with no government or laws to protect him. He was grieved because of the people’s hardness of heart and blindness of mind so he stepped forward to testify of Christ. He had such tremendous persuasive power and was so righteous that he brought in the power of the Spirit as he spoke so that “they could not disbelieve,” yet they were angry with him. Probably because they knew the truth of his words yet they did not want to choose to act in accordance with the truth. That’s how I feel right now!

 

I am praying for the softness of heart so that I want to actually believe and don’t feel the uncomfortable pressure of being in the spot of not being able to disbelieve, but wanting to disbelieve. Nephi is one of my heroes. He cast out devils and unclean spirits and raised his brother from the dead. I was reading from the autobiography of my fourth great grandfather last Sunday and I found out he brought someone back from the dead using the priesthood power. He crossed the plains in a company shortly after Brigham Young. A young girl died and he and his friend administered to her. Nothing happened. Then he decided to go into a hidden spot in the trees and change his clothes into some sacred holy clothes he had. He then said a prayer asking God to please bring her back to life. Then he and his friend administered to her again. Forty-five minutes later, she came back to life. I love this story because it shows the power of not giving up.

I am definitely not giving up! I’ve been losing so many battles with my goals, but I am a fighter! There is no way that I am going to let satan win.  As I have thought about the situation I think it’s time to pick different goals that are more doable, and relevant with what’s going on with my life. So here goes:

 

1. Have only 60 minutes of Internet time a day, only while the kids are gone at school, and none on Sunday.

2. Read aloud to my kids bedtime stories for at least 30 minutes a night, on nights that I am home.

3. Write a letter or give someone a call of gratitude or compliment every day.

 

We had a lesson on shame vs. guilt a while back. I couldn’t really relate to it. I honestly couldn’t remember a time that I have felt shame. Then something happened this past week to remind me what shame feels like. One of the childbirth education organizations I belong to held a barbecue and swim party last Tuesday. I was so excited to go so I could see so many of my friends. I get a lot more attention from these old friends than I do from my husband and kids. I felt like I was going to a place like they sing in that song from Cheers where “everybody knows your name.” So I was totally amped up to go. Well earlier in the day I started feeling very queasy. I didn’t think much of it even though I still felt that way when it was time to go to the party.

 

Well, so I was sitting there with my hamburger and chips on the grass talking with a big group of people, laughing and enjoying being the center of attention. Then, suddenly I HAD to go to the bathroom! I got up up to make a beeline to the building, knowing that the restroom was about 200 feet, up the hill, across the parking lot, into the building, and around a few corners. But before I could stop it, walking up the grass, I started having diarrhea, right there, in my pants! I felt like a two-year-old! I was mortified, hoping that no one was watching me from behind, especially since I was wearing white pants. (Yeah, I didn’t think ahead of time about possibility of white pant not mixing in with sitting on the grass.) I got to the restroom as soon as I could. As I was there in the restroom stall, cleaning up as best as I could, people started coming in to use the other stalls. I felt so embarrassed that the whole room was stinky, because of me. My mind was racing. How was I going to get out to the car without anyone seeing me and asking to stop and talk with me? As I was standing there in the stall, after the other people left, I heard a timid male voice come from the front door. “Lauren..?” It was James. He asked what he could do to help. What a guy!

 

I asked him to get more paper towels to clean off my clothes as best as could be done without a washing machine as I had run out of towels in the restroom. He went and got a big roll and brought it back, handing it through the doorway. I was just hoping to high heaven that nobody else would come in. I told James we needed to go home and asked him to round up all of the kids and meet me in the car.  As I left, keeping my head down, praying that nobody would see me, I remembered the time in 9th grade with my best friend Stacey Michaelsen. We were coming home from a basketball game with our cheerleading squad. We stopped for a treat at Dairy Queen, and she threw up in the restroom there. I mean, she really missed the toilet and sprayed it everywhere. Now I had done a similar thing by leaving that restroom with such a rotten, sickly smell. At least it was just a smell, that was the only consolation I had. I had eventually made it to the toilet.

 

Fortunately with the paper towels I could sit down without getting the car upholstery dirty. Never before have I wanted so much just to be home. I couldn’t wait to get into a shower and then climb into a hole. My bed would be second best. As I was sitting there in the front passenger seat waiting for the rest of the family, I saw a friend get out of her car, right in front of me. I quickly ducked my head into a book so she wouldn’t see me, and waited about 5 minutes before I looked up to see if she was gone. Whew!

 

So first and foremost, I learned from this that when I feel queasy, stay home! No matter what social event I have been planning on and looking forward to! No matter what raving fans I think I might see. I have got to be close to a toilet when I feel that way. Second, I learned that I am not immune from having events that satan can use to get me to feel shame! I felt total shame over this while it was happening. I have to keep telling myself that I may have made a literal mess, quite by accident, but I am not a mess. Third I learned that James has a heart of gold. Even after me being rude to him all these months (OK, years) he was willing to help me in my most dire moment of need, vulnerability, and helplessness. He could have let me languish in that restroom for hours and laughed about it while I wondered what to do. He could have told people about it or spread it on Facebook. Many husbands would not be so selflessly noble. They would use this as a time for revenge. I feel so blessed to have such a kind, gallant husband.

 

God, please help me to change my heart so I am worthy enough to have him as a husband. I am starting to see how wrong and prideful I have been.

 

I learned this past week something that I want to start in my family. I’ve been so consumed by fear for Logan. Is he going to stay addicted to porn? Is a mission out of the question? I just don’t know. So then I worry about my other kids. What can I do to prevent them from becoming addicted? How can I help them have stronger testimonies? I was pondering all of this when I discovered an article about kids staying active in the Church. The researchers who wrote it said that they discovered the #1 factor for kids staying active. It wasn’t having parents who weren’t divorced, or geographical factors, like living in Utah, or family income level.

 

The #1 thing that matters for kids remaining strong in their Church activity and testimony was having personal worship habits. As I read that I realized that “personal worship habits” is the same thing as “Power Actions.” All of the sudden I realized that I needed to lead out with my children and give them time and a place to do their Power Actions every morning by doing it as a family. So now, every morning at 6 AM, I wake the whole family up with some super upbeat music. Then they come downstairs, and I set the timer for 5 minutes, during which they each read their scriptures. Then I set the timer again, and they write for 5 minutes. Then we each share what we learned. Then we read the Bible for 5 minutes and then the Book of Mormon. After they show me what they read I serve them some food that’s more exciting than just toast or cold cereal,  like bagels and cream cheese, or waffles that I pop into the oven to get warm while we are doing their Power Actions. So far Logan has not joined us. I am not forcing him, and I hope and pray that one morning he will join us. I love how the Spirit fills our home when we do our Power Actions so early in the morning. It sets such a beautiful tone in our home for the whole day.

 

Love,

Lauren

copyright 2015 Celestia Shumway

Be sure to check out Maurice’s blog here!