Tree of Life Mothering

My friend Michelle Stone appears in the above video. She takes the Thomas Jefferson Education phases of learning (seasons of learning) and expands their meaning with spiritual names. It’s a fascinating lecture. There’s not much how-to in it, it’s all reasons for not having your kids in public school.

Here’s a pic of her and her mom Janeen Brady, of Brite Music fame, singing at my friend Shauna’s house.

If you don’t know what Brite Music is you are missing out. Check out http://britemusic.com. In the picture above, mom and daughter are singing music from the Time to Times CD. Michelle asked her mom to use her fantastic talent and write music to teach children the multiplication tables. How cool would that be, to have such a talented mom that you could ask to write music to teach a concept? Janeen honored Michelle’s request and the result is this CD full of bouncy, catchy, music that will have your kids knowing their times tables in no time. See my review of it here. http://treeoflifemothering.ning.com/page/product-review-time-to-times

We had a great conference call with Tiffany Earl yesterday about homeschooling your teenager. I followed the instructions to record it but for some reason it did not record. I am really sorry about that. I am still figuring out this technology. So here is a textual summary.

We started off talking about scholar phase. If you don’t want your teenager to have a scholar phase then don’t bother reading the rest of this. If you do then keep reading. Scholar phase is something that most influential leaders have had. Usually it is in their youth. For example, John Adams had such a great one that he went to Harvard when he was 15. Most of the Founding Fathers had a scholar phase. This is where a student studies 8-10 hours a day. They are consumed with studying. Tiffany explained that core phase and the love of learning phase are still common in our society today but scholar phase is not common. I asked her why that is and she didn’t have an answer.

Later, I thought, of course, I know why. It’s because of the dominance of conveyor belt education. I could go into depth on that but it will take me off topic. Tiffany said that a scholar phase involves 4 levels: practice, apprentice, self-directed and mentored. She also explained that all people who go through scholar phase share these 4 aspects, then later she added  a fifth aspect:

1. Vision
2. Mission
3. Skills
4. Abilities
5. Knowledge

To do a great scholar phase you have to have those 4 things. Vision and mission are what keep you going. Skills, abilities, and knowledge are what allow you to do scholar phase. She explained that skills are more about competence and abilities are about character. So a scholar skill would being able to touch type and an ability would be honesty.

Then we talked about how to nurture a mission in your teenager. Tiffany stated that a mission comes from a teen’s environment and what is modeled for them. This is why it is so important that a mom do a scholar phase.  If you have a lot of distractions, especially electronic distractions, then it will be hard for a teen and you to have a scholar phase. So then we talked about how to minimize electronic distractions in the home.

I asked Tiffany to tell us what she personally does. She acknowledged that there is a healthy place for some of the activities offered by the Internet and other electronic distractions. To keep her family in the healthy place she minimizes access so it doesn’t become addicting.  She said she doesn’t give her teenagers a cell phone, no matter how much they beg because their friends have one. She said that she doesn’t let them have their own email address without a lot of thought and prayer on her part to know if it’s right for her child. She said one of her children has an email address but another one doesn’t because he is not ready to use it responsibly. She said she limits Facebook time for her teens. Right now, only her daughter is allowed to use it, and she doesn’t know what the password is, only Tiffany does, and she only lets them on it for 15 minutes twice a week maximum. The computer is in the middle of the family room so everyone can see it.

Tiffany said that if your teenager’s emotional highlight of the week comes from the virtual world, and not the real world, then that is a red flag that they are spending too much time with electronic distractions. I suggested that that could be a great question to ask your teenager during your weekly mentor meetings. So we also talked about mentor meetings. Tiffany declared that the most important thing you can do to help your homeschooling teenager is to have weekly mentor meetings. This is when  you sit down with your child and help them plan their week and when they will do their homeschooling assignments and talk to them about their goals, their dreams, and review the past week. It’s also very important that the teenager’s parents have weekly Family Executive Council meetings as a couple, and that the family have a family planning meeting where all the older kids come together with mom and dad to make the calendar for the whole week.

Just having these weekly mentor meetings, or talks with your homeschooling teenager is very powerful, according to Tiffany.  It’s no natural or urgent, but it is so crucial to the success of your homeschooling. I suggested to her that it is an incredible gift that only the mom and dad can give. Tiffany explained that to have a great scholar phase you have to be having these weekly meetings in your home. It’s not natural to have such a meeting, but it is extremely important to the success of your teenager’s homeschooling.

Tiffany also went into the obstacles parents have to mentoring their teenagers/youth. One of them is that parents don’t know that they can. They feel like they have to ask permission. Our society has become so based on “experts” that even parents start to feel like their own children are someone else’s.

Tiffany shared that it’s so important that parents learn to see with spiritual eyes. You learn to see what your child needs according to your gut instinct. She shared a story of a woman who had contacted her about the woman’s own scholar phase. Tiffany read the email from the lady and immediately with her spiritual eyes in focus Tiffany could see that the problem with this woman was that she needed to focus on increasing her speed reading skills. This goes back to the concept Tiffany laid out at the first that scholar phase involves the five things of vision, mission, skills, abilities, and knowledge. Whenever there is a challenge in scholar phase you can go back to those five things and find the problem. Tiffany said that being able to read quickly and get to the heart of the matter is a scholar phase skill. She recommended a speed reading web site called http://spreeder.com. You can pick the chunk size of what you want to read it and even use it as an app for your smartphone. She recommended the site to the woman and it has helped her.

We also talked about doing math. Tiffany said that if a student want to get their GED then some math books are on Amazon to help students prepare for the math section of the GED. She couldn’t remember the name but said she was hoping to be able to sell these books soon from her web site, http://lemimentortraining.com. If your student wants to go to college she suggested you talk to your child about what college they want to go to and prepare for the ACT. (We didn’t go much into preparing for the ACT, as an aside, I highly recommend getting homeschooling mom Ann Meeks to come to your community to do an ACE the ACT boot camp. See http://acetheact.com)

Tiffany announced that coming soon she will be doing monthly conference calls for all youth and all parents. It will involve a small fee but will allow youth and parents to catch the vision of what they are capable of and to feel a sense of community. She said to watch her web site (http://lemimentortraining.com)  for the details.

We talked about the importance of building a community for youth in scholar phase. The method Tiffany has is a model called the New Commonwealth School. This is a once a week school where homeschooling youth get together to do scholar projects. These scholar projects take the youth up the levels of being a scholar. I expressed my complete satisfaction with this school model and the scholar projects. I have seen the magic they have done in my own children’s lives. I’ve had three youth attend our commonwealth school. They have loved it. My third child seemed “behind” in handwriting. I was worried that he couldn’t do the writing assignments in the scholar project class he took this past school year. But being around other kids and feeling the excitement they all have for Shakespeare, reading Shakespeare, and discussing it, motivated him to do these handwriting assignments motivated him to do the work. He produced page after handwritten page of his thoughts.

LEMI has perfected how to go about creating what they call a “Liber Community.” This is a community of families who are highly committed to freedom and the liberal arts. They offer training in different classes so that you can turn around and create a liber community in your town.

If you would like info on how to create a community in your homeschooling community that nurtures scholar phase, I highly recommend that you get the training from Tiffany’s company, LEMI (Leadership Education Mentoring Institute). Go here to learn about the training in your area http://lemimentortraining.com/register_for_training.html. They are having trainings this summer in Utah, Oregon, Colorado, California, and for those of you who are too far for any of those, you can do it online. You could get the training and start the basic project which is called The Gathering for the parents, then build on that the next year with a Key of Liberty class and or a Shakespeare Conquest Class for the youth and a 5 Pillar Class for the adults.

The early days of our country were based on the commonwealth idea, which is that each person does a little bit to contribute to the wealth and good of the society. No one person has to carry the whole load. That is what the Commonwealth School does. I have been so blessed by this school, actually two schools in my area and I am spreading the word so others can be blessed as well. My homeschooling son is going off to college in the fall on a scholarship, in part because of what he learned from his Commonwealth School in the past six years.

Whew, we got the three oldest off this morning to Shakespeare Showdown, a 2 day camp where TJED-based commonwealth schools get together to show off the Shakespeare plays that they have learned to perform. This is the first year that Honor gets to go and he is so excited. These are pictures from his play.

I still have happy memories about my overnighter my husband and I took last week. We are at the point where we can leave the kids at home alone since the oldest are teenagers. As I was leaving Valor was leaving to take Virtue to an ortho appointment and Honor was staying home to tend the others. It is so sweet to be at this point in family life, independent of outside babysitters. I am definitely enjoying older motherhood.

The process of finding my husband and room after I got to the resort is a story for another day. Needless to say I felt quite rattled by the time I got to my room and was happy to sink to a chair and relax.  I felt like we were settling into a snowbound chalet with a foot of snow on the ground outside our window of the ski resort lodge. We had a picnic supper in our room with  with hoagie sandwich fixings and chips that I brought from home. Bugsy (my 21 month old who I had brought) played around and had fun standing on the luggage cart. Then we played a card game I picked up months ago that is for couples called “Getting to Know You.” After nearly 20 years of marriage we actually found out new things about each other. It was kind of frustrating to play the game with Bugsy wanting to touch all the cards.

I had brought some toys but true to form he didn’t want to play with them much. After a while I realized he needed a diaper change. Then my husband decided to get the DVD ready for our movie. That’s when we noticed there was no DVD player. He called the front desk and asked for one. The lady said it would cost $10 to rent one. Then I guess she noticed the crestfallen tone in my husband’s voice and offered it for free. When he went to get it he found out that she gave it for free because she heard our baby in the background and felt sorry for us, being away from home, trying to entertain a child. Little did she know the DVD player was for us. We started watching the movie, my long awaited viewing of the John Adams HBO movie, at around 8 PM. Bugsy nursed to sleep and he was out the rest of the night. Whew, we were able to watch the movie without watching him as well. It was a nice break from him and I could also relax knowing he was right there. I didn’t have to keep worrying that he was at home missing me.

I really enjoyed watching the portrayal of the trial of the redcoats involved in the Boston Massacre. I absolutely love John Adams after reading his bio by McCullough. The interplay between him and Abigail is so sweetly portrayed in the movie. I enjoyed John’s statement about his search to find great principles thought by great minds throughout the ages.

The next night we were all back home and it was time for the Fathers’ and Sons’ campout. All the boys but Bugsy left since he nurses to sleep and once in the early morning. My daughters and I watched the sequel of Anne of Green Gables with the director’s commentary. Virtue and I enjoyed but Princessa at age 5 was not engaged and wanted to watch something else after 30 minutes. I have seen the original so many times without commentary during the golden age of Anne’s popularity (my high school and college years, when my sisters and I watched it two dozen times) that I didn’t want to watch it.  I happened to find two new cool sites that allowed us to watch an Avonlea related show on the Internet. At http://sullivanmovies.com I found the original episode of “Road to Avonlea” which I have been wanting to show my kids for years and have been wanting to find the DVDs of it at our library. So we watched that. I like the old-fashioned stories of the Road to Avonlea with cousins playing together. The stories come not from the Anne books but from some others that L.M. Montgomery wrote, namely, The Story Girl and the Chronicles of Avonlea, and Further Chronicles of Avonlea.

The whole night was a blast to my past. I read all the Anne books during high school and watched both movies over and over. I read almost all of Lucy Maud’s other books. It’s fun to see that there’s still interest in the books and movies and that the producer Kevin Sullivan is making more clean family entertainment, like Wind at My Back, which BYUTV carries, but I can see that all of this can be a distraction from my scholar daughter and my aspiring scholars. I did get a full-ride scholarship to BYU during high school even though I read all of these books. I did not have much of a social life though. It was fun to watch Anne now that I am an old married woman instead of a young ingenue when I first watched it. I watched an interview with Anne on http://anne3.com where Megan Follows, the actress who played Anne, said she really enjoyed how Anne was such a strong female, and that that’s rare in literature. Hmmm, that got me thinking. I want to be more strong like Anne is.

Saturday our washing machine was breaking down so my dh decided to go buy a new used one. I am so grateful In the process of installing it he noticed a leak in the storage room behind the laundry room. He felt overwhelmed by the prospect of spending money to fix it or fixing it himself. He’s having a hard time at work with some projects and we have financial troubles. This just seemed to be the straw breaking the camel’s back. We couldn’t hook up the new used washing machine until this other problem was fixed. I suggested he ask his brethren in the priesthood at church the next day for help. So he did and confessed to me that he got emotional and started crying. Before we even got home from our block meeting of church yesterday, a good brother was standing on our porch ready to help. Three or four more came in the next ten minutes. Even though our washing machine was only out of commission for two days, this seemed like a crisis since it happened right after Fathers’ and Sons’ with the huge load of dirty clothes that brings from four boys and a dad. I think these dear brethren sensed the urgency our situation. It’s funny to see men work together. Everyone jokes about Relief Society ladies, but how about giving equal time and poking fun at the high priests? Three of them each gave a different opinion as to the problem. But one of them was a journeyman plumber so my dh went with his opinion.

So this dear man fixed our problem and just charged us for the parts. We are feeling relieved and grateful. The washing machine is back up and running. My big kids are now gone to a three day camp for aspiring TJED Shakespeare actors, so we have time to catch up on the laundry until they come back.  I feel so blessed to be part of a church where the members watch out for each other and help each other. It is a little taste of what Zion will be like. I’m also grateful for our division of labor around here. My husband and I are equal partners, and we each have a stewardship. He’s over the technical aspects of the house and fixing them. He’s the main provider. While he was supervising the high priests, I was taking care of the children, supervising the lunch, the lunch clean up, and then keeping track of them, putting the baby to sleep, and then fixing dinner and supervising the kids as they cleaned up from dinner. I felt like everybody was doing their job in our busy household that had people moving around like Grand Central Station. That also feels like Zion must feel like, where everybody knows what their job is and does it happily.

So I read the article by Keri Tibbetts’ on Parenting at http://headgates.org/resources/. I found myself agreeing with all of it, I think. I skimmed it really, and will give it a more thorough reading to see for sure if I do agree with all of it. Keri basically interprets Cline and Fay’s Love and Logic discipline program and combines it with her LDS perspective of “teach them correct principles and let them govern themselves.” I have always followed that approach in my discipline. Tell them what you expect, and what the consequences will be for their choices, and then follow through. I call it parenting according to how God parents.

When I was a new parent, I read Dr. Sears’ writings on spanking and decided not to spank because of what he wrote. I had my first child and did spank him a few times, out of desperation. Then I would always feel bad afterwards. I decided not to spank any more. I remember reading in Alma in the Book of Mormon where the word had more effect on people than the sword. I decided that I wanted to use my words to convince and persuade my children to do what’s right instead of force or the sword, i.e. spanking.  Then I had more children. I noticed that certain children had more stubbornness than others. I found myself spanking them rarely because it seemed like nothing else would get through to them. La Leche League teaches “gentle discipline” as one of its core beliefs or Ten Concepts and I have always felt that meant no spanking so I would feel somewhat guilty spanking them since I am a La Leche League Leader.

(please click on the discussion forum tab above and then go to the discussion on spanking to read more)

(The following pictures are from my son’s Shakespeare play, Midsummer’s Night Dream, that he and his TJED-based Shakespeare class performed last week. It was terrific!)

It’s amazing how sometimes you think about stuff and then you attract more of it. Thursday night I started thinking about the Headgates ebook because during my mommy screen time after the kids were in bed I got an email from Keri Tibbetts saying that her article on parenting that she mentioned at the TJED forum was finally available at http://headgates.org/resources/. I had just listened to the download of her presentation at the Forum the previous week. I printed the article out the next day but did not read it as I was getting ready to go on an overnight retreat with my husband. He had left that morning for a conference for attorneys at a local ski resort but would be done with meetings around 3:30. Then we could play! I would bring the John Adams HBO movie that I have been wanting to watch for a long time.

As I drove to the retreat I had some rare quiet time to talk on my cell phone  since my baby fell asleep and I was away from the other six children. These quiet times are very rare. Yes, I did have my baby/toddler with me, but I left the other kids at home. I believe in taking my babies everywhere I go pretty much (I admit that I have left them home for quick trips to the library or grocery store) and my nursing toddlers with me if I go somewhere for all day or overnight. I decided to call one of my girlfriends and have a chat, since my husband was in a business meeting. She is one of my comrades in homeschooling/attachment parenting/religious living and it’s hard for us to get together since we live 45 minutes apart and have lots of kids between us.

We talked about the Headgates ebook and Keri’s TJED Forum presentation. My friend had been there in person for all of it,  both hour long sessions, Part I and Part II. “Wait till you get to Part II,” she told me. “It’s about spanking.”  We talked about the application of Headgates. I mentioned that I knew Keri’s sister and would like to talk with her sometime so I could ask how she applies it in her home, since she has older children.  I got to the location of the retreat safely (up in the mountains, with a foot of snow, yes winter is alive and well in Utah) and had a wonderful night with my husband and baby. I always say that once you have more than one kid, getting away with just the baby and your husband counts as getting away.

Anyway, the next morning who should be at the breakfast at this conference but Keri’s sister,  Jenny, since her husband is an attorney. I had attracted the conversation!  She had the same idea as me: “Husband away at a free hotel room = chance for me to get away as well!” Only she had brought some quilting to keep her busy up in her room while he was doing meetings instead of a book and a toddler. I had met Jenny previously since she had been part of our commonwealth school for a while when she and her husband taught TJYC. Then they moved and were no longer a part of it so I had not seen her for years.

So I got to visit and talk with her about Headgates and if she implements it in her home. She confessed that she loves Lincoln logs and Legos (forbidden as a bad Headgate) and has them in her home.  She said that Keri’s home has a very peaceful atmosphere because of the order and structure she has placed there, described about in her Headgates ebook. Jenny also mentioned that she wonders what is going to happen when Keri’s children get older and see that most of the world doesn’t do things like they do in their home. She also admitted that the suggestions in Headgates are too extreme for her.  She said that she tried to do away wtih all school materials for her younger children but it just didn’t feel right to her. “My kids like doing their grammar worksheets and their math books every day.”

“You have to do what feels right to you,” she told me. “Yes,” I agreed, “otherwise you are just doing another conveyor belt in your home.” It’s important to distinguish between something feeling right to you because it’s something good for you to do. It might be hard and uncomfortable, but it still feels right for you. Then there might be something that is wrong for you to do, but it might feel pleasurable. That’s not something that is right for you to do.

I remember going to a parent mentor training meeting with Aneladee Milne for our commonwealth school. She talked about Frederick  Nietzsche and Soren Kjerkegaard. She explained that Kjerkegaard philsophized about the difference between the universal and the specific. Kjerkegaard was Christian but did not belong to any organized religion. He believed in the Bible and wondered why Abraham was asked to sacrifice Isaac. Why was he targeted out by God with a commandment to sacrifice his only child? Kjerkegaard concluded that it’s because God has specific laws for each of us to obey, and also universal laws, such as the ten commandments in the Bible. Kjerkegaard was also the father of existentialism. Nietzsche took this idea of the specific and went with it, disregarding the universal. Aneladee brought this idea up because she was teaching about the Tiger Mom, Amy Chua, and asking about our parenting styles. That brings up a whole other question, do you have to be more of a Tiger Mom than not to be a successful TJED mom? Just Google Tiger Mom if you don’t know what I am talking about.

That’s another topic for another blog.  Confusing universal with specific  seems to be the problem with a lot of society today. Some people think that there is no universal law, only specific laws for each person, based on their whims and pleasures and circumstances. Homeschooling moms, however,  tend to go to the other extreme . We sometimes are prone to think that everything that comes down for the pike for homeschoolers applies to us. Especially if you are LDS, you think that anything that any leader says, including Oliver DeMille or Keri Tibbetts, has to be a commandment that you follow to the letter.

There are universal principles that apply to every endeavor. TJED’s seven keys are probably the closest you are going to come to natural laws/universal principles for education, whether in the home or in any classroom.  But the specific application or way that a certain principle looks like in the home will look different to every family, because each family has different circumstances. It’s also important to remember that Oliver said that the 7 keys are phase-specific. Jenny explained that Keri’s children are very intensely inquisitive, so Keri has come up with these strict rules in her home to maintain order.  They are also very young. She said that her children are much more mellow and older so those rules don’t work for her.

So maybe Legos might be a headgate that you need to keep closed for one child or not another. In other words, Legos are a “specific.” A universal headgate might be commercial TV. I feel comfortable saying that any amount of commercial TV is going to limit your child’s creativity and learning. Another specific headgate might be Internet use. It might help in the learning process, but for some children it might prove to be addicting and interfering in their education. To conclude, some truths are universal to all, and some are specific. Some headgates are universal to all, some headgates are specific to some.  Some distractions in your home life are headgates that need to be closed for one child and maybe not for another.  Know your child and know their environment.  Be in tune with your children and know what is influencing them. Observe what is keeping them from getting a great education and help inspire them make a plan to eliminate that obstacle from their life.

I will be hosting a teleconference call with Tiffany Earl, the coauthor with Oliver DeMille of The Student Whisperer. Tiffany is the mother of four children, the oldest of which is attending college. She has graduated with bachelor’s degrees and master’s degrees from George Wythe Collge. She was personally mentored by Oliver DeMille, author of A Thomas Jefferson Education.

Tiffany will be discussing how to homeschool your teenager. What are the needs of teenagers who are homeschooling? How can they be met in the homeschooling environment? What motivates teenagers to study hard and be a scholar? What do you as a mom need to know to make the most of this chunk of time your child has in your home before he faces adult responsibilities?

Join us as we discuss these issues, Wednesday May 25, 2 PM MDT

Conference Dial-in Number: (610) 214-0000
Participant Access Code: 738747#

The cost is whatever your long distance carrier charges for long distance calls.

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I think it all started with Mother’s Day, the day after my youth conference. Only two of my children gave me presents, and one was from nursery so it wasn’t thought out by him. It doesn’t count. My nine-year-old gave me a sweet treasure hunt complete with a code to cipher which led to a note telling me that he loves me. My husband gave me breakfast in bed though. That was sweet. I think this makes three years in a row that he has done this.

Regarding my thoughtless older children, all I can say is, Oh well. I have learned that some holidays are more bountiful and memorable than others. Sometimes my children are more thoughtful and prepared than other times. Maybe I am reaping the seeds I sowed of not giving presents to my mother in my ignorant thoughtless youth. It’s all part of the ups and downs of life. I will bask in the fun of the youth conference that was the day before and let that eclipse my Mother’s Day that was lacking.

We went to my mom’s for Mother’s Day. While there I met a friend of my cousin’s son,who are at BYU with my nephew. This friend turned out to be former neighbors to my Veggie Gal friend Becky who moved away to Idaho. That was fun to make that connection. My sister-in-law corralled the college age kids to help with dish duty. She also showed me her web site and the cool family history features she has on it. If any of you are family history buffs you will want to go to http://sudweeksfamily.com to get the cool handouts on family history that she has as PDFs. This is a pic of my sister-n-law, my brother, and their cute kids. This is the brother just older than I am. He has always been such a great example to me and was part of the reason I felt motivated to do scholar phase, because I saw him do it with all the AP exams that he took.

When I went to the public library last week my kids were kind of rowdy and I got a crusty look from a librarian. I finally coughed up the money for two long lost library books that were making me feel guilty for even setting foot in the library. I haven’t gone in so long to get a boatload of books like I used to because of those overdue/lost book fines. It felt good to come clean and get tons of books, despite the dirty looks for my noisy children.

My son had his tech week rehearsals for his Shakespeare play last week and that meant rehearsals were every day. All of my older kids were involved in the play as stage crew or actors so when I was supposed to be a “parent assist,” meaning, babysitter in the hallways for potentially wandering youth, that meant I had to take all of the little ones with me. I think we just added to the confusion instead of helping any. Two comments from other moms there about my children ruffled my feathers a bit but I am over it. I had rounded up a bag of books to keep them occupied plus my Chinese jump rope and instruction book but Cowboy and Princessa most of the time weren’t interested. I was looking forward to blogging about having a portable closet (meaning, closet full of learning materials, see thehomeschoolcoach.com) to take when you have to do your homeschooling away from home  but it didn’t seem that successful so I won’t be blogging/bragging about it.

The major high of the week was the Shakespeare play of our commonwealth school. My son set the whole funny tone of the play, A Midsummer’s Night Dream, with his portrayal of Bottom, the weaver turned donkey. He did our cousin proud. Thanks to my genealogist sister-in-law, we know that Shakespeare is our first cousin, thirteen times removed. The costumes were incredible. We have some serious talent among these homeschooling mamas. I am grateful to be part of a group where everybody does a little bit, and some feel compelled to go over the top.

On Sunday I went to call my sister-in-law for a fun chat but she didn’t answer the phone. But at least I got in my monthly night of having some or all of my family gone to my mother-in-law’s so I can just decompress. As a homeschooling mom, time alone is of a premium. My baby always stays with me but I still count that as alone time. Actually this time my two daughters stayed home but when you also have four older, active boys, time alone from them counts as alone time. I always check out Goodreads and put library books on hold and sometimes do family history work. Popcorn is always involved as well.

Monday was blue with lots of laundry to supervise my children in folding. The four oldest children each wash their own, my husband washes his dress shirts, and my daughter washes all the rest, but it is still a challenge to rope the little ones over to fold their clothes and put them away without taking all morning. I have to fight the feeling the computer is giving me to suck me into the escape from reality that it offers.The overcast sky and chilly weather exacerbated the feeling of a blue Monday. At least my 13 year old entertained me with quotes from the Muppet Show while we folded. Our Knights of Freedom closing social that night was also cold and overcast. Now it’s raining and it feels just like a morning in the middle of February when I am wont to say it’s “always winter and never Christmas!”

The great news is that my baby sister called to announce the arrival of her baby. A GIRL! That makes three girls and two boys for her. She gave birth naturally and her baby sounds so cute. I can’t wait to see them. I am looking forward to that as well as to my overnight retreat this week with my husband when he goes away for business. His meetings end at 3:30 so then we can play, with just my breastfeeding toddler in tow, up in the canyon! If it’s rainy we will spend the whole time in the suite, watching John Adams.

Spring, I know you are there, we’ve had some tastes of your sweet sunshine! I look forward to your complete, unretractable arrival!

We had soooo much fun this past weekend at my youth conference. It was one of those magical times that brings so much happiness.

I loved having friends there to help me and seeing so many youth learning about the importance of the classics, Locke, self-government, family, and virtue. Here’s what I learned…

• homeschooled youth can easily organize themselves into impromptu games
• at least one of these youth is so eager to play outdoor games instead of electronic ones he said he offers his friends a dollar if they will come toss a football with him.

• these youth have amazing talents, from the martial arts to yo-yo tricks to music to drama to creating beautiful flowers to decorate hair

• virtue is anything that establishes or maintains a family
• vice is anything that keeps a family from being formed or destroys a family
• gambling is now legal in all the 50 states but Hawaii and Utah
• all the vices used to be illegal
• John Locke was really smart. He recognized that three restraints keep people from committing vice: public, private, and religious.
• It’s probably not a coincidence that after Bill Bennett (author of The Book of Virtues) publicly admitted he had a gambling habit, gambling increased.
• Our nation has seen these three restraints disappear from society for the most part. We are embarking on a grand experiment to see if we can be self-governing and vicious (full of vice) at the same time. Locke didn’t think a people could.

•  John Locke had a mission from God to tell people about self-government
• the difference between conservatives and libertarians is that although they both believe in freedom, conservatives believe in caring for the family unit and libertarians don’t necessarily

• when you act in accordance to God’s will, you have protection
• next time I do a conference I want to make sure I have a podium for the speakers
• Aneladee Milne is terrific at changing her speech

• leadership education should help you focus on being the best leader (father or mother) of your family
• the reason the LDS Church spends so much money on educating youth is to help them be the best father or mother, husband and wife
• some kids don’t like to admit that they didn’t do the readings
• Julie Beck is really cool.
• I want to learn more about Locke from Aneladee Milne
• I want to plan things better so I am not gone buying batteries and film when Aneladee is speaking

• Frances Hodgson Burnett had a fabulous talent of describing the role of a whole or proper son, a prince, and a whole or proper daughter, a princess
• Emily Black is great at writing simulations

• the tower in fairy tales that protects princesses is symbolic of the home and family. Thank you Stephanie Servoss for sharing that with us!

• A well-designed simulation can be transformational as well as hilarious to take part in and watch. Thank you Emily Black!

• women and men are different on purpose, as designed by God. We are not supposed to compete with each other but help each other. Husbands and wives each have different pieces of the puzzle and can benefit each other if asked and listened to.

• Tricia Leslie of Silhouette Ballroom (http://silhouetteballroom.com) is great at using metaphors kids can understand to teach ballroom dancing.

• Youth really do like to ballroom dance if given instruction and time to do it!
• You can find lots of clean songs out there for a delightful evening of only ballroom dance songs, plus a little Veggie Tales thrown in! Click on the “Playlist for dances” tab on this site for a playlist.
• You can use old-fashioned dance cards in a way that doesn’t make anyone feel left out.
• You can see lots more photos of the conference at the “May Youth Conference” tab
• I want to do a youth conference every year! It was so heartwarming, refreshing, and helped me get to know my community of mentor moms better.

We made it back from St. George OK on Saturday night and are now back to real life. It was such a great break to be off my personal conveyor belt of driving someone somewhere everyday for Shakespeare play rehearsal, TJYC, orthodontist appointments, or Knights of Freedom. My six year old, Cowboy, was excited to see the “real wild west.” I am kicking myself that I forgot the camera when we went to the red rocks at Snow Canyon to get a picture of him in his cowboy gear in the wild west. But here’s one of him at the cousins’ house, before the dirt turned to mud.

He got muddy in the cousins’ backyard and I had to pry those dirty clothes off him by force and wash them in the washing machine, after he fished them out of the machine and attempted to wash them in the bathtub. “Cowboys don’t wash clothes in washing machines,” he informed me, “they use bathtubs!” He has been on a cowboy jag for over a month now and insists on wearing the same clothes, so those were the only clothes he brought, except his pajamas. The kids had a blast at a park by their cousins’ house. It has lots of cool playground toys that involve spinning and sliding. They also had fun celebrating their cousin’s birthday. She’s the same age as one of my sons. For the first time they didn’t play as much together, as they are being more gender conscious in their play I guess at age 9 and 10.

My son had a thrilling time at Elevation climbing rocks and I got to chat with Angie Baker, one of the pioneers in the TJED movement.

It was fun to see my sister-in-law direct her play that her commonwealth school advanced acting class is doing. They are performing The Odyssey this week. We had great chats about cooking, mothering,  TJEDing and making constitutions for commonwealth schools and voting on amendments. Her spring parents’ meeting was last week and mine is tonight. We are being asked to vote on some amendments. My sister-in-law told me to keep the structure of the commonwealth school as strict and pure as possible. A commonwealth school is not about pleasing everybody or having to take everybody like public school has to. I am eager to see what will happen tonight. Four years ago my husband and I were the only ones who voted not to split the school. We might be loners tonight again in some of our voting.

I haven’t had much time to blog this week because I am getting ready for my youth conference this weekend. I am so giddy to hear from Steve Russell about John Locke and vice, Aneladee Milne on families, virtue,and freedom, and Stephanie Servoss on the big picture of life, gender roles, and mission. The simulation Emily Black will do is going to be awesome.

My kids and I are making a playlist of songs for the Formal Ball that is the crowning event in the evening. It’s going to be only wholesome lyrics, and pleasant beats. For the first time I get to be DJ. I will control the volume and it will never be so loud that you can’t converse without raising your voice. Last week my nephew tried to convince me to do rap music at it. Sorry, Zachary. We will be actually ballroom dancing, not jumping or shuffling, standing, or sticking to the wall. I wonder if Cowboy will insist on wearing his cowboy duds and bringing his guns.

Families of all ages are welcome to come to the

Tree of Liberty Family Formal Ball.

Saturday May 7, 2011

8:00 PM to 10:30 PM

The Davis County Legacy Events Center (smaller building on the county fairgrounds south of the rodeo arena)

151 South 1100 West
Farmington, Utah 84025

Best dress, modest too please no sleeveless or backless

$5 a person

$10 a family if you already have youth attending the conference

$20 a family if you don’t have a youth attending

Clean wholesome lyrics and pleasant beats

Whew, we left Davis County bright and early at 5 AM on Tuesday. Except it wasn’t so bright. It was dark and raining and then it turned to snow. We picked up some of my son’s Williamsburg Academy classmates on the way and got to St. George by 11:30 AM, with three stops on the way. There was snow and rain off and on clear down to Cedar City. Entering St. George was like coming to another world, all sunny without a cloud in the sky. Thanks to anybody who prayed for our safe journey. I didn’t even use the Easter candy my visiting teacher gave me as a last resort to keep my six-and-unders happy. Those prayers helped.

My six-year-old son kept talking about how excited he was to see the real Wild West. He has been on a cowboy jag for two months and wears the same clothes every day because they are his only clothes that look like a cowboy’s. He has been delighting all the females he sees of all ages at rest stops and parks and gas stations by tipping his hat and saying, “Howdy ma’am!” That usually elicits some giggles from the young ones and chuckles from the older ones.

My kids have been having fun with their cousins while I have fun visiting my sister-in-law. We both do TJED so we have a lot in common. Our kids share a similar family culture of homeschooling a la TJED. (See tjed.org for a definition of that.)  Whenever I come down to see our cousins, I feel I am immersed in a mentor culture. My sister-in-law is one of my mentors on cooking and homeschooling. I helped her get started in homeschooling but now she helps me as we swap stories back and forth about how our commonwealth schools are going. (A commonwealth school is a once a week private school formed by people who are committed to TJED and having the school continue with other leadership after their kids are gone from the school. Google “new commonwealth school” and get the book. It’s not a momschool and it’s not a co-op.) Then my cousins

Anyway, I have learned from Sally new recipes for making my chicken and roast beef very tender by using the crock pot all day and then shredding the meat. I can’t wait to try this at home! Today I got to watch her direct her commonwealth school’s advanced acting play. They are doing the Odyssey. It was fun to watch! Then we had dinner and her three teenage boys cleaned up the kitchen. I love my kids to see that it’s not just in their home where the children do a lot of the housekeeping chores. Thank you Rachel and Oliver DeMille for teaching parents that it’s OK for kids to do a lot of the household chores. I love that they have taught that to have an leadership education-based home, the family culture works around nurturing and then giving way to scholar phase.

I got to visit two of my sister-in-law’s mom friends who do TJED and have georgic backyards. Lots of chickens and bunnies and gardens. It was very inspiring to see what these people do in teeny backyards.